Still Sick.

Where have I been?

At home, resting. I am very, very ill. I have not gone out for about three weeks, been to the hospital three times, and missed three days of work. I have been struggling with going to work and adjusting to new medications my doctor is trying, but they're not working. Friday, he wanted to admit me to the hospital, but I freaked out and refused, so he said I could try bedrest this weekend.

My body has fluctuated, and I can tell the rest is helping, but I am still not well. When I woke up again at 3 a.m. today (notice it's 5 now) to spew out more of what resembles the parasitic alien creatures coming out the bottom of Stephen King's Dreamcatcher victims, I realized that I'm not going to just get better on my own. That my doc (who is quite awesome) knows what he's doing, and I have to trust him, even if I'm afraid I'll be like the freakshow in a room with five old Koreans and all their visitors gawking at me and trying to use me for free English lessons.

I sent a very pathetic e-mail to my co-workers and pray they don't hate me. If I'm not typing here, it's because I'm sparing you the gory details of the swamp creature death that expunges itself from my innards 10-15 times a day.

For now, I'm off to pack a small bag for the hospital stay.

Peace.

I'm boring, but I'm not bored

(Try explaining the above sentence to EFL students.)

My life has become dull and boring these days as I rest up and try to heal. On the plus side, I'm bonding with my kitties and fully caught up on Desperate Housewives. Then, on the downside, I have very little to write about and less energy to do it.

However, I am really excited about some upcoming projects I'm working on for my classes with William. Our last effort turned into the school's first English Theater Festival, which made the school look really good, so we've pretty much been allowed to do whatever we want with our classes since then. Within some limits (mostly placed by my least favorite person at the school, who is unfortunately also the most powerful).

I hope when I get a job in the U.S. next year I enjoy my co-workers as much as I do at this school. I've been pretty lucky in all three teaching jobs I've worked in that I had good people I could count on--both friends and bosses. Not everyone is so lucky.

Anger and Missing Out

Posted to my UC forum:

I write to you from my living room. This is not where I am supposed to be right now. I am supposed to be spending the first Chuseok with my fiance's family. Chuseok is a family holiday in Korea akin to Christmas for Christians or Passover for Jews.

Last night I started having bloody diarrhea every hour. It didn't let up much overnight, and now I'm missing the chance at forming real bonds with my new family because of this STUPID disease. I HATE it. And I won't get to do this next year because we are moving back to the States next summer.

This diease is NOT FAIR! I would curse, but this forum has moderation (and I want it to still be a respectful place).

Can anyone else relate to feeling like they are missing out on their life because of this disease? Some days it's all I can do to go to work and come home. And I have a MILD case--I can only imagine what those of you with more moderate to severe versions are experiencing.

At any rate, my fiance is being very supportive and understanding, but I know he's disappointed (I would be, too). I worry now that something like this will happen on our wedding day or some other time that's just as awful. I don't want to spend the rest of my life worried about what I'm going to miss out on next.

Bad Chuseok.

Today is Chuseok. But I am having a BAD day. You can read about it here, but it's gross.

In other Korea news, Amanda sent me some resources about studying for TOPIK (Test of Proficiency in Korean) and a link to this book, Every Day Live in Korea by D. L. Gifford, available online. It's an account of Korea by a missionary who lived and worked here in the late 1800s. I've started reading it and it's quite fascinating, especially as he got to see Korea before the most recent Japanese occupation (1910-1945) , which in some ways defines many of Korea's modern characteristics.

How I know I'm marrying the right person.

Min Gi doesn't like to plan. He doesn't like to think about tomorrow or the next day, let alone six months or a few years from now. When we were first dating, I would ask him if he wanted to do something on the weekend, and he would say, "Let's just see what happens." I finally broke down and told him that if we don't make plans together, I will make plans with other people or to do other things. He responded, "Well, I don't want to disappoint you if something happens. If I make a promise, I keep it."

I pointed out that if he gets sick or something else comes up that is more important, he can tell me about it and we'll just change our plans, but that if we don't make them, we probably won't see each other often (which is what had been happening for the first couple months). He started making plans with me.

The day I knew that I wanted to marry him (April, 2009):

Min Gi: "Honey, you know how you said you wanted to go to the Boryeong Mud Festival, right? And you said it was two weekends?"

"That's right. In July."

"I think we should go the first weekend because the second weekend is the week before we leave for America. We might want to pack."

I was speechless.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong... It's a good idea... but it's just... that's in July! You're making plans?!?"

"I want to be a plan-guy."

How I know he's the right person for me:

Wedding rings are not a tradition in Korea, but we decided we want them. We've selected a style we like, and I did some comparison shopping.

Me: "Hey look at the deal I found on these rings like the ones we wanted. Just $50!"

"Wow! Are you sure they're real?"

"Yeah, the design we're getting is not that expensive. Jewelry just has huge markups."

"Are you sure you don't mind? Don't women usually want expensive wedding rings?"

"I'm not like that. You know that." [Editor's note: This is one of the ways he knows I'm the right person for him. Haha!]

"Yeah, but I also wanted them to have a special meaning."

"Hon, they have a special meaning because they symbolize our love for each other, our promise."

"Or... we planned to spend more money on them anyhow. Why don't we donate the difference to a charity?"

I'm speechless, again. I then show him the website for Amnesty International and we agree to donate $200 (the money most other websites were charging for a similar design) for each ring when we purchase them.

Korea vs. America: Finances

I've been spending a little time on Dave's ESL Cafe Korean Jobs Discussion Boards, a place full of vitriol and bile from some very pissed off English teachers living (mostly) in Seoul, but also a resource many people contemplating the big move from America (or another English-speaking country) to Korea use to get questions answered by those of us who've been around the block a bit. While I really hate the caliber of discourse on most of the forums (recently comments insisting that Korea is an undeveloped country because it is racist and that white women who are overweight are lazy and make excuses have been getting my goat, so to speak), I do feel indebted to do my service by the "newbies" to Korea as many people helped me by posting their insights about Korea back in 2007 when I was researching the place obsessively.

Someone made a comment about how Korea and America had the same cost-of-living, and I responded rather strongly, but then realized it would probably make a decent blog post.

As a teacher in the U.S. (especially now that I have my master's degree and live in the DC metro area), my salary would be more than $50,000/year (substantially more if I taught extra test-prep classes, which I sometimes did). This is about twice what I earn in Korea (Currently base salary is 2.4 million/month, plus a lot of money from the after school classes I teach and extra duties, like writing essay prompts for district contests or interviewing for high-up positions in the BOE, which at the current exchange rate works out to USD $26,000 with the end-of-year bonus), and while housing being covered in Korea makes up quite a bit of the difference (I pay less than $40/month in rent for my posh new apartment), there are still major ways that Korea's COL beats out America and makes it easier to live a good lifestyle here.

Things that are cheaper:

--Transportation: Public transit is cheap and excellent. Even if you decide to get a car or scooter, gas is more, but insurance and maintenance are WAY less.
--Health insurance: Medical costs here (unless you get cancer, which is not covered by the National Plan) are cheap, cheap, cheap. I have a chronic condition that requires 6 pills a day of one medication, 2 of another, and monthly doc visits with a specialist. My monthly medical costs? About $30--this includes my birth control pills.
--Utilities: Gas is cheap, except sometimes in winter if you blast the floor heating, and electricity is cheap, unless you blast the AC in summer. Cell phone is about the same, but high speed internet is WAY cheaper, as is cable.
--Hobbies and activities: I pay ~$80/month for DAILY tkd, in the US I'd be lucky to find a studio that did three days a week for that price. I pay $5 at my swing dance bar, in the US I usually have to pay $10-$15 for the same thing. Skiing is cheap for skiing (about $70 for rental/lift pass for a day). The only thing I've heard might be a LOT more is golfing, but I don't have that particular vice. Gyms are about the same price.
--Dining out: A decent meal out costs between $7 and $20/person, drinks included, NO TIP. Home delivery is cheap, cheap, too.
--Taxes: Comparing the 3-5% I pay here with the 30% back home? Please...

However, living abroad has taught me that there are a lot of things I thought were "necessities" that are not actually necessary, like bathtubs and clothes driers. When I come back to the U.S., I might not be inclined to pay out the behind for cable services and snazzy internet, when I will have access to those things from the library or my parents' house. I will definitely be living cheaper than I did (and I lived pretty frugally before).

I hope that helps some of you folks thinking about expenses in Korea.

Fun, Sad, Crazy, OK.

Fun

After Korean class on Saturday (yes, I'm doing that again--the cute teacher is the advanced level teacher, score!) and teaching at the girls' shelter, I hopped on a train and went to visit my friend Big White Barbie out in Busan. We had not seen each other in quite some time due to alternating medical issues and incompatible schedules.

I had a fabulous time with her and a friend from her job who has been in Korea for three months. We ate Thai food (not really available in Daegu), put our feet in the sea at Haeundae, and went to a not-horrible bar in a gross area of the city. The plan was to wake up in the morning and be tourists at some cool historical sites around the city.

Sad

However, when we woke up, it was raining. I checked my e-mail to find three voicemails from Dad. This is not typical.

I used BWB's phone to call my dad only to find out that my mom was on her way to emergency surgery at the hospital. NOT GOOD. VERY, VERY SCARY.

When you live far away from your family and there is a crisis of this kind, you feel a kind of terrifying helplessness that makes you question everything. It drains the life right out of you; at least if you were back home, you could feel like you were doing everything that there was to be done, but from thousands of miles away... you're just... lost.

Crazy

And so, while my mom went through two hours of complicated, life-threatening surgery, BWB and I went to McDonald's to eat comfort food. This was a brilliant idea, of course, until crazy dude showed up. He sat at the next table, drinking water (no food), staring at us the whole time we were talking. We did an admirable job ignoring him, but we got up to go refill our drinks downstairs at the counter (and ok, yes, for me to order more emotional void-filling, fatty french fries), he followed us. Really creepy following. And then stood in line behind us.

We were freaking out, so I tried to ask the cashier to ask him to leave (he wasn't a customer). Note to self: Learn the words for "creepy" "follow" "stalking" and how to request that the person please ask said creepy following man to leave in Korean before my next public outing. As soon as I started talking to cashier, the dude actually hid behind a column. The cashier finally understood what we were saying, took one look at the guy (who looked like a creepy stalker), and kind of freaked out. In America if a non-customer was harassing two customers, management would have kicked him the heck out of there. However, of course, being younger than said man, the cashier couldn't say anything to him--thanks Korean culture for that one.

We went back upstairs to finish our meal. Dude follows us a few minutes later. He hovers nearby. Then he goes to the bathroom, and we just bolted for the exit. Seriously, left our tray with uneaten food and drink on the table and just hightailed out of there before the guy could come back out of the bathroom.

Dammit. We were in a restaurant FULL of people, and no one would help us by asking this jerk to leave us alone. WTF? Thing is, we have both been here long enough to know that if we had confronted him directly and yelled at him (as we really wanted to do and would have if we hadn't gotten our out), we would just have been the crazy foreigners assaulting/berating the older man. As it was, one or two girls gave us dirty looks as we ran out for leaving our tray at the table.

OK

We "hid" (or maybe ate some Chocolate Devotion waffle cone) in a Cold Stone Creamery until it was time to call my dad back to check on Mom's surgery. She came out fine. BWB and I watched downloaded TV shows until I finally dragged myself back to the Busan train station (purchasing ANOTHER umbrella in the 7-Eleven) and guilt tripped Min Gi into picking me up from the station in Daegu. I'm home now. Safe. Talked briefly to Mom who is in pain, but awake. I am exhausted beyond physical explanations, and yet unable to sleep. But it's going to be ok. It's going to be ok.

Wow for won!

One of the risks you take when you go abroad is dealing with foreign currency exchanges. About a year ago, the economy tanked and the floor fell out from under us over here in Korea. Within a month, without any actual changes on the part of my employer, my effective salary in US dollars fell to about 2/3 its value compared to when I signed the contract.

Today the won dipped below the 1200won=$1 rate for the first time in 2009. Yay! This is good for me. Earlier this year, when the rate climbed to more than 1500won=$1, I was despondent. Although I wanted to stay in Korea to get married this year, I had to seriously consider going home after my last contract and taking up a job in the U.S. where my salary would be three times what it is here.

When I first got to Korea, the won was 900won=$1--a much better deal for me at that time. Even though my base salary is now 400,000 won more per month than when I first arrived, the exchange rate change makes it worth more than $200 LESS than that original salary PER MONTH--gross.

Fortunately, the won stabilized around 1250won=$1 and appears to be going down even more. I hope this pattern continues, or at least holds, for the remainder of my time in Korea. I'd like to see my student loans pretty much disappear before I go back to crazy consumer-happy America.

"Helpful" Advice/ Meeting 고모.

Sangju (상주), a rural town in western Gyeongsangbuk-do.

Last week at work:

"I'm going to Min Gi's hometown, Sangju, this weekend."

"Oh wow! That is so exciting. And important. Who will you meet there?" The teacher who sits next to me, Ms. Suh (who is also my boss), is unnaturally excited for my marriage and asks me questions about it every two days. She has even commented how strange it is for her to be so happy for me, but yet, we continue.

"I'm meeting 고모 [father's sister]."

Ms. Suh gets a very serious look. "Oh my, that is a very important meeting. Is she older or younger than your fiance's father?"

"Older, I think." (I have no idea. I found out later that she is younger than his father would be, were he alive today.)

"Hm... and all of his male relatives [Editor's note: they only count father's side as relatives in Korea] from that generation are dead? Oh, then this is the most important meeting. 고모 is not like 이모 [mother's sister]. 고모 is very important. I hope you are not nervous!" She then proceeds to ask me a hundred questions I don't know the answers to, like if 고모 has any children and if we'll be meeting in her house.

No, I'm not nervous at all, now, Ms. Suh. Thanks.

***

I call Min Gi shortly after this (interrogation) conversation and drill him. He is patient and for all the questions he doesn't know the answer to, he says, "I will call her after I hang up with you and find out." What a darling.

But all the things the teachers at school tell me about Korean weddings and Korean men are starting to get to me.

Mrs. Lim: "Are you going to prepare money and gifts for his family? Most women have to pay a lot of money to their in-laws before getting married, like $3,000. And if you get your in-laws the wrong present, they will 'tease' you about it at every holiday forever. Korean mother-in-laws never let you forget your mistake."

Mrs. Kim: "Oh Korean men are very sweet when they are dating, but after marriage they change. They don't want to do any nice things for you and expect you to do all the cooking and cleaning perfectly for them. Really, you won't know until after you're married."

Mrs. Park: "Your families won't meet until one week before the wedding? Oh, that is very bad luck."

Mrs. Choi: "Korean men all drink too much. My husband is out most nights drinking. He doesn't spend much time with his sons."

AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!! *head explodes*

So when my dear, sweet, atypical Korean guy walks in the door Sunday morning, ready to take me to meet his 고모, and makes the mistake of commenting on the cat vomit I hadn't yet cleaned (too busy getting ready), I snap and unload all of this manufactured angst onto his unsuspecting head.

Somewhere in the middle of my insane meltdown/freak-out, he sits down on the couch and says, "Hey, come here." After I refuse, he insists.

He puts his arms around me and looks into my eyes, "Why are you listening to those women? They don't know me. They don't know my family. If I tell you that you don't need to give my mom money, then that's it, she doesn't expect it. When I tell you I'm not going to change after we get married, you have to believe me. I believe you. I trust you. You have to listen to me.

"Ok?"

I start to laugh, even though I'm still crying. "How did you get to be so smart?"

"Let's go meet my aunt!"

***

Turns out 고모 is not a frightening matriarch, but rather a kind, worldly woman who, unable to have her own children with her husband, lavishes her motherly love, attention, and wisdom on her nieces and nephews. Over delicious raw fish, we chatted about life, my family, our plans, and she offered us lots of advice about marriage, like not going to bed angry and being forgiving of each other if we make a mistake. She was not intimidated by the fact that I was a foreigner nor was she overly curious about it, merely thoughtful and accepting. I couldn't have imagined a better outcome for our first encounter.

고모 shares the last of the 자두 on her farm.

I think, through her, I can see some of the positive qualities Min Gi has described his father as having, qualities that he also possesses to make others feel at ease and to understand the world and its people in comprehensive and respectful ways. I love her already.

Min Gi and I pose in front of the scenic Nakdong River.

After (a very filling) lunch, she offered to play tour guide for us around Sangju. We went to a temple known for it's ancient wood carvings on the inside of the main temple, Namjeongsa, then to 고모's small farm for fresh Korean plums (자두), and finally to the small walking park near the Nakdong river. One of Min Gi's older cousins drove and the four of us had a lovely time out in the Korean countryside.

The iron Buddha is surrounded by the painted ancient wood carvings at the temple's inner altar.

The weather was perfect and the company was grand. Check out all of the photos in the album:

Sangju--Meeting Min Gi's Relatives

Pop Stars as Ambassadors/ "Netizen" Powers

Koreans are very, very concerned about their image in the international community. One of the top five questions I get asked here is "What do you think of Korea?" (Along with "Hello! Where are you from?" "Are you married?" "Do you like kimchi/know about Dokdo?" and "How much [for your services]?") If I ever mention a bad experience I had in Korea (such as one of the numerous times I've been asked that last question), my Korean friends immediately, profusely, and sincerely apologize on behalf of their entire country. This concern about national image extends so profoundly that Daegu Metropolitan Office of Education's motto translates to something along the lines of "Aiming for the Upper Levels of the OECD," and they seem to care about those OECD rankings a heck of a lot more than other countries do.

This concern spills over into the domestic entertainment industry. You see, in the U.S., celebrities live separate, strange, and often incomprehensible lives from ordinary folks. No one aspires to be like Michael Jackson or Lady Gaga, even if we love their music. What weird freaks, we think, even as we buy their albums.

However, in Korea, it seems, celebrities are expected to embody the perfect values and ideals of Korea's people. When a celebrity steps out of line, such as when rumors about Jaebum from 2 p.m. posting negative comments about Korea/Koreans on his myspace page more than two years ago, he is harshly criticized and condemned in a public forum of "netizens" (cutely, "internet citizens"). One of my students wrote an essay about Korean figure skater Kim Yuna (pronounced Yuhn-a, not Yoo-na) and used the lack of such intenet condemnation as a strong example of her popularity and role-model status. I tried to explain how this logic doesn't read as a very strong argument in English, but then I learned a whole lot from my co-teacher about Korean celebrity culture.

The Korean belief that "talents" or "idols" (celebrities, largely selected for their good appearance rather than their artistic prowess, who work in multiple arenas of the entertainment industry, such as in a pop group, on television shows, modeling, and as a commercial actor) serve as kind of de facto ambassadors for Korean culture suddenly explains a LOT about their misunderstandings of American culture. For if our celebrities and television shows represent who we are, then the belief that Western women are easy, that American teens party all the time, that the men are somehow more romantic than Korean men, that everyone is rich and wants to live in New York or LA, seems much more logical.

The Korean celebrity/netizen culture is so pervasive and important, that when I ask students and teachers alike about current events in Korea, nine times out of ten, they tell me about Tablo's upcoming nuptials or G-Dragon's trouble over some possible plagiarism, rather than the latest developments in North Korea or the swine flu scare gripping the nation and causing it to cancel all my favorite festivals. Quite frankly, although I enjoy the occasional Korean pop song, I find the whole situation too minutely complex and tedious to bother following. Come on, people (I mean netizens). Get a life.

If Korea really wants to improve its image internationally, they should work on the things that matter to the international community--brokering peace with North Korea, developing new technologies rather than stealing others' work, and fostering relationships with ALL countries, not just the ones it deems "worthy" (i.e. "wealthy"). Stop worrying about whether the Wonder Girls (currently touring the U.S.) look uglier with "American-style" makeup or if Daniel Henney is Korean enough to bring fame to the ROK--no one cares.