2022: Year in Review

I'm not really feeling ready to set big goals for this upcoming year, but I do feel like I want to pause and take stock of this past year. In many ways, this year felt stressful and rushed. However, it was also a year of blossoming children, substantial professional growth, deepening friendships, and caregiving for two adults. And while I may not have done all the things I hoped to do for myself, I feel that the life I'm living is pretty great.

Blossoming Children

I am in awe of my two kids, now 7 and 11. They have both become readers with confidence and passions--sharing books is a great joy (we all really loved discovering the Wings of Fire series by Tui Sutherland this year). For taekwondo, the oldest earned his black belt and the youngest her intermediate level purple belt in 2022. Their Destination Imagination team won first place in the Maryland state tournament, and I traveled (after a wild month of fundraising and travel planning to do so) with them to Global Finals in Kansas City--which was a really amazing, healing experience for my kids--whose school lives had been dominated by the Covid pandemic in the prior two years.

Celebrating their journey and learning with other Maryland DI Teams!

They also participated in summer swim team for the first time, and loved it. Each is growing into an interesting and unique young person. I enjoy spending time with both of them, especially with playing card and board games or going on nature walks. Raising children is not an easy task--it is relentless, unforgiving, and (often) unpleasant--especially during challenging phases, illnesses, or tough times. But I'm very lucky my kids are doing well overall.

Professional Growth

During 2022, I completed 21 of my 60 doctoral degree credits (gearing up to study for comprehensive exams in January and then moving into ABD territory during 2023). Even more amazing was how much I've grown as a leader, researcher, and educator along this journey. I have also developed some close relationships with the other students in my classes and cohort (our five-person writing group made time to meet up during break at the National Harbor & it was delightful to see people in person!). Going back to school to get my doctorate at age 40 was a wild decision, but I'm glad I'm on this journey.

My programs have seen massive growth and equity-focused expansion. I've also had the joy to work with some amazing students, teachers, counselors, leaders, and higher ed personnel who are committed to improving student experience of the high school to college transition. Finally, the education law in Maryland is going through a lot of changes and my involvement with state-level coordination and implementation of the change has been exhausting, but rewarding. I continue to be excited by my career and feel blessed to have the opportunity to work for children in this way.

Touring the (gorgeous!) University of Minnesota's engineering library while in St. Paul.

I also was fortunate to attend two conferences this year (one in Frederick and one in Minnesota) and met several national leaders in my field, as well as connecting with them in new ways through my doctoral work.

This year has seen a great deal of transition with the leadership above me, often creating anxiety and unanticipated challenges. We seem to have settled in a good place as this year draws to a close, but there were many times in 2022 where the action (or inaction) of a new, ineffective, or malicious senior leader threatened to impact the opportunities afforded students, and I felt extremely frustrated with myself for being unable to navigate all of it well. This has been a very, very challenging year for educators--and students--at every level (a sort-of normal year, but with all the traumas of a pandemic still lingering). I'm not at all surprised to see people leaving the field entirely.

I hope 2023 proves to be a better year for everyone in schools.

Deepening Friendships

I have friendships with several women who live locally that I feel have become chosen family. Our family networks are deeply intertwined--for the most part, the kids and adults all get along well with each other. We spend lots of time together--hanging out at each others' houses or going on adventures/outings together--without some of the pressure that can come with adult friendships. I am extremely grateful to have them in my life. (Note: One member of this group has moved away, but we still connect frequently thanks to chat and other distance communications. She's had a year of big transitions, and it's hard not to be able to surround her in the love, community, and support she deserves. But she is a survivor!)

Just one example, some of our kids, at the county fair, with friendship bracelets.

I was also able to visit a friend I had not seen in many years (who I met through this very blog--NOT KIDDING!!!--while we both lived in Korea) while I was traveling for a conference to Minnesota. This trip was very life-affirming and healing--especially connecting me back with my writing self (hopefully for us both). Recognizing how think I need to commit to in-person connections again with these long-time friends who still chat/text/phone/email, but haven't really been able to see for a few years. I felt this when I attended a high school program reunion this summer, too, and spent some time catching up with friends.

I'm also feeling more connected this year to communities than I have in a long time. Whether through volunteering at our kids' school, commiserating about graduate school coursework, collaborating on something professionally, discussing issues in social media, or dancing together in social dances or fitness classes, I feel rich again with a casual/acquaintance-level social network. I think this is the layer of relationships that suffered the most from Covid restrictions.

Caregiving

My mother had a stroke in August 2020, and while she lives independently in a condo a block away from our house, her recovery to independence is incomplete. It's been a bit of a rough year as we attempted to navigate her getting back to driving, but have not been able to do so yet. This journey was further complicated by the financial emergencies of my two adult siblings who my mother still feels the need to support. I'm not going to get into family dynamics here, but caregiving for a parent while being estranged from a sibling because he has past financial abuse of that parent while the parent continues to enable the abuse is... something. I continue to have to do really good boundary work and values clarity. I am grateful for the opportunity to have this relationship with my mother and help her live well, but it is NOT easy to balance it all.

Meanwhile, in early April, Mingi had surgery on his right foot to resolve several issues from a soccer injury two years ago. The recovery and the subsequent physical and emotional ups and downs from this have also triggered migraines and injured the left foot from overuse. He's not as reliant on others as my mother is, but our whole family has been impacted by his ongoing health challenges and recovery. Our network of friends and acquaintances has been invaluable through this recovery period, but it has been a struggle. We are definitely looking forward to a year where we can all do more together (hiking, traveling, silly fun), and Mingi feels more like himself.

Visiting the Inner Harbor in Baltimore this week felt a bit like maybe we are back to more normal ways of being for our family.

Overall, I'm proud of what I've been able to accomplish this year and grateful for the support in overcoming challenges we've faced. Having a stable financial situation and supportive network has made a major difference; at another time in my life, the challenges of 2022 would have broken me. Instead, I feel content that I was able to give the people I love so much care, love, and support. However, I have gained another 10 lbs in the last year (on top of the 20 I had put on in the prior years), and really need to put more focus into my own health so I'm able to continue to support others and do the things I want to do.

As such, I'm setting an intention this year of ensuring that I'm giving at least equal care and support to my own health and development that I give to my family.

How was your 2022? What are your New Year's intentions? Please share!

Reflections about health on an unexpected day of weather cancellations

This morning, our area had some ice and rain storms with freezing temperatures overnight. Although the situation in our neighborhood is not bad at all, the North part of the county must have been terrible because they cancelled school. With offices on a two hour delay, I find myself with the gift of a bit of writing time on this last day of work before the winter break.

Getting the day off school was great for my kids, as both have been dragging themselves through various illnesses throughout most of the month. I think my oldest has attended a total of 2 days in December. Multiple doctor's office trips and Covid tests and no definitive diagnosis, but a collection of symptoms that could be from one of so many different viruses floating around this holiday season, wreaking havoc everywhere. The youngest has been feverish and complaining of ear pain this week, but the doctor's trip did not show infection--just fluid in the ears. They both need the day to fully rest instead of forcing themselves to gather all the work they've missed and check in with teachers before the official start of winter break tomorrow.

Coping with sick children is very stressful. I am extremely grateful that I have the resources in my life--both financial and social--to help manage all the challenges that come with caring for a sick child. I'm also grateful that so far, the illnesses have been mild and routine (colds, viruses, etc.). Right now, there are many parents who are coping with sick children without adequate health insurance or who cannot pay for the medications or equipment that help alleviate symptoms. There are parents with jobs that will punish them for taking time off to care for children and schools that are unsympathetic to the challenges of this season. I can't help but think about how our society could make things better and easier for all children, yet we choose to let them struggle instead.

I'm reading The Myth of Normal by Dr. Gabor Maté (written with his son, Daniel), which identifies some of the ways in which the systemic failures of our society to prevent childhood suffering contributes to the numerous health crises that have arisen in the past century. I'm not sure I agree with all of his arguments and writing, but it is an important critique of the way the field of medicine alone is inadequate to address illness and healing. This makes me very aware of the ways our society fails children and how that impacts generations of suffering.

I am also trying to address what this means for my own health journey. Becoming a caregiver to my aging mother has had a profound impact on the ways I view my own childhood, the formation of my self, and how I understand human relationships. Dr. Maté would urge me to lean into these learnings and find ways to connect my healing needs with addressing the complexities of health and social-familial environment. I'm not really sure how to turn that journey into a "resolution" yet, but I would like to prioritize healing and health as I move into the new year.

Not just for me, but for my family and community.

I will continue to reflect. In the meantime, I will enjoy this slow start to my morning, this opportunity for rest and reflection in the coming holiday, and what it might mean about my priorities in life.

Appreciation for the Calm

Starting 2022 amidst the most widespread outbreak of a 2+ year pandemic has ironically led to a slowing down and calm pace for my life. We've been lucky enough to avoid infection thus far, so now that the rates of Covid transmission and hospitalizations are higher than they've ever been, we've elected to reduce the number of activities we are engaging in at present as a mitigation strategy. The kids are still going to school and taekwondo (masked, thankfully), Min is doing whatever shopping we need, and I am going in person to work most days of the week and taking my Mom to doctor's appointments, but we've mostly curtailed other activities. Even though there is no government mandate to refrain, we find it prudent at this time.

Water always makes me feel peaceful. This is the Monocacy River near our home.

For me, this means no gym classes, no dining out, and no gatherings indoors. What's strange this time is that it seems as though very few other people are limiting some of their activities, despite the fact that our hospital is operating in crisis mode and our school staffs are dealing with absentee rates so high that we are discussing possible short-term contingency plans for in-person instruction. The local college I work with has already decided to stay fully remote with virtual instruction through February 6. There's no guidance to help the public in how to navigate what's happening now, and the CDC Director was describing it as "encouraging" that people like me with immune suppression and diabetes are the people that are dying from this round of infection. I digress...

The kids decided to prepare us breakfast for our anniversary (12 years--WOW). It was quite sweet.

Far from feeling deprived and adrift as I did in the early weeks of March and April 2020, I feel an ease of slipping back into the routines and joys we discovered when the whole world shut down. I find myself grateful for the beautiful nature in our neighborhood on my walks, for the free yoga challenge online, for a wonderful dance instructor still having Sunday Zoom workouts, for more time to play board games with my kids and cook healthy meals. I have enjoyed more time to rest and read, dig into my grad classes, write in this blog.

My little snow bunny.

I feel a kind of contented ease that I don't really recall enjoying in the past. Perhaps, I have just become more comfortable with existing in the present moment and enjoying the company of my family. Maybe I like the excuse to ruthlessly cut nonessentials from my life. Or maybe it was the first huge snowstorm of the year which always makes the world look brand new. Whatever it is, I like it. I'm going to try to cultivate this essentialist approach to my time and enjoyment.

Here's a little hope into the world that we can stay healthy and joyful, even if the world feels like it's conspiring to keep us from those things.

Random Reflections as 2021 Closes

We have come to the last day of a very stressful year--which, coincidentally was the first year of my 40s and another year of very strange world events--from an ongoing pandemic to political shenanigans to climate crises to the dehumanization from the patriarchy, white supremacy, global capitalism, and other injustice. There is much from this year that leaves me sad, anxious, and helpless. I try to focus on the positives--vaccines and books, for example. But I will admit that 2021 on a broad scale leaves even silver-lining optimist Diana feeling a bit stretched to come up with much to say about the positive.

Super grateful for my wonderful family.

On a personal scale, I can find a lot more victories and joys. Here are a few:

Financial: Thanks to the largesse of the US government stimulus money, I finally paid off all my credit card debt. In a further debt victory, the rules for Public Service Loan Forgiveness were changed such that it looks like I will be eligible for full forgiveness of my undergraduate and master's degree loans in full. This has enabled us to increase our charitable giving & direct aid to family/friends, contribute more to retirement funds, and spend without worrying on the things we value. Life without crushing debt really changes your outlook. I also found Die With Zero and I Will Teach You to be Rich to be helpful books for this new stage of my financial journey.

Relationships: It was my first full year thinking of myself as a "caregiver" to my mother whose stroke in August 2020 has left her more dependent on others for help. I am proud and grateful at the amount of care I've been able to provide for her. This shift in our relationship has enabled me to reflect on what is most important and let go of more small slights. I feel solidly like a middle age adult, and I think this identity has a lot to do with it. I have rekindled a friendship with my sister who has helped with the caregiving and let go of the relationship with my brother that has always been toxic and strained.

Bringing Mom on vacation to the beach was a major 2021 highlight!

I also deepened my friendships with the women in my book club and their families (all of whom are mixed race, with one Asian, one white parent, such that our children all look more like each other than we do). These friends have become my go-to people. I am so grateful for this group we have built where I feel accepted and built a close community for my biracial children. have also become closer to a few work colleagues, parents of my kids' friends, dance friends, and neighbors this year.

Although I let my blog Free, Fun, Family lapse and haven't been writing as much, I feel connected to several online communities through Twitter, which is now my only social media besides Goodreads. I do hope to reconnect at in-person events with them in the future.

Professional: I am now through two full semesters of work on my Ed.D. program in Educational Leadership--and I love it! It's got me thinking and trying things in different ways that have already resulted in some pretty awesome collaborations and projects at work. It's also been a great outlet for managing, processing, and reflecting on the trauma of these last few years. I find myself re-inspired for educational work in a time of incredible challenge and difficulty in this profession. Although it can be very stressful at times, I'm so glad I decided to pursue this program at this time. I am also becoming close with a number of people in my cohort.

Bringing dually enrolled English Learner students on a tour of campus--many are first gen!!!

Reading: Thanks in part to my daughter's embrace of The Magic Treehouse series towards the end of they year, I made it to my goal of over 100 books in 2021 (as of right now, I'm at 111 and will probably finish at least one more book today). One of my goals was to increase my usual rate of 20-25% books by writers of color, and 43 of those books (38%) were by BIPOC authors. In reviewing my read shelf, I see that most of my books for grad school and my kids' read-alouds were not very diverse. I can't do much about the required reading for grad school (except continuing to advocate for different authors & choosing diverse authors when given a choice), but I think I need to be more intentional about getting my kids books by writers of color. Especially now that they are both independent readers.

So overall, a year of growth and development. Much to celebrate!

Of course, what I am most grateful for and proud of is the growth and closeness of my family. This year's struggles have resulted in a closeness and joy. I can't wait to see what 2022 brings for us!

Harper's Ferry visit with my Uncle Tom!

I've been less pleased with my year in terms of health (I gained weight with how stressful this year has been), minimalism/anti-consumerism, and writing (other than school, I didn't do much this fall). As such, these are the three areas I am focusing on for 2022 "goals."

Goals for 2022:

1. Lose the 20lbs I gained in a healthy way (whole foods, less dining out, more movement, smaller eating window/semi-IF). I'm not really all about the weight anymore & care way more about health, but I know that this weight impacts my diabetes control and makes dancing & hiking a bit harder.

2. Avoid Amazon (which we *still* use far too often), minimize Walmart, more food that's local, & declutter--for realsies.

3. Publish once a week in this blog. Sometimes it's gonna be short, sometimes long. But I have to build my writing muscle again, and I enjoy blogging here. It feels low stakes. Please hold me accountable.

Thank you for reading my thoughts, as always. I hope you are well as the year closes. Do you have any reflections or goals for this year? I'd love to hear them.

FINAL Debt Elimination Update: April 2021

Some major things happened in April 2021, yet the month really felt like it just FLEW by.

April is really the month for flowers.

First, my husband is now fully vaccinated, and the kids have returned to school and one activity each in person (H 4 days/week + gymnastics and J 2 days/week + taekwondo). They have missed it so much. While I am still nervous about their unvaccinated status, transmission rates are low and mask/mitigation measures compliance high in my state, which makes the return less risky. The Covid pandemic is by no means over, but life feels a bit more full and less "on hold" than it did at the start of this year. I am very grateful for this progress in our lives. I am trying to let go of the anger I feel for the disgusting misprioritization of resources that made in person schooling unsafe for so much longer than it needed to be.

Second, I have been admitted into Frostburg University's doctoral program in Educational Leadership. I am very excited to begin this three year program, but a little nervous about the intensity. I feel very lucky to have the support of my family, friends, and coworkers as I begin this process. Classes begin in June. Financially, this changes some of my thinking around my student loans. I will be enrolled half time, so my student loans will go into deferment again. Most are subsidized, so they will not accumulate interest, and I will not have to make payments for three years. Additionally, while my employer has a very generous tuition payment benefit for this degree, I will be responsible for about $15,000 in tuition, books, and other expenses. This is more money than I have saved so far for this doctorate, so I am considering taking a Direct Loan for a portion of this expense. I will write more about this decision if/when I get there--for now my summer and fall tuition will be completely covered, so I have some time to think about it. I just feel differently about finishing paying off my student loans now that I'm going back to school.

Happy to head back to school in-person, not so happy to be photographed.

Finally, we have paid off the last of the credit card debt!  WOWOWOWOWOW! Just a little over three years since we looked at that number larger than $30K and almost cried, it's GONE. I wrote about it every month. Sometimes it felt like we made almost no progress, sometimes we got lucky and made huge forward progress all at once. Boy, does it feel really good. NEVER AGAIN!

Since I no longer have ANY credit card debt and am not aggressively paying off student loans, I will not be doing a monthly Debt Elimination Update; instead I will shift to a financial update. I like the accountability of writing it out, & still believe sharing about finances (a normally taboo subject) demystifies the process for others. I hope you will enjoy reading our efforts to save money for different goals!

Financial progress from April:

• Mortgage Escrow Refund Check and Leave Cash Out. April featured two "windfalls" that enabled us to finish paying off our remaining credit card debt and buy two things that we really value this month (see next bullet). We got the refund from our previous mortgage escrow, and I was able to use my annual leave cashing employer benefit to get paid out for 8 unused vacation days. The next few months will be weird since we've had so many windfalls in this first part of they year. It will feel like progress is slowing, when really, it's just back to normal.
• Paid upfront a late summer vacation rental & clothing. My mother had a stroke in August 2020 and her recovery has been challenging. We decided to rent a small house near one of her favorite beach destinations over Labor Day weekend for our family, my Mom, and my sister's family to celebrate a) her anniversary of recovery and b) our parents' wedding anniversary (It would have been 52 years!). It was so exciting to be able to pay for us to celebrate still being here. I also bought myself three dresses to make me feel better about going back to work. I love them!
• Closed more credit cards & set up a default cashback optimization system. We now have a simplified system and can maximize our card cashback benefits. Of course, my credit score is now in the over-800s club, so that's cool.
• Debt Progress: Here are the numbers for the end of April:
  • Balance Transfer 3 (0% through August 2021):  $0 CELEBRATE--ALL CC DEBT DONE!
  • Grad School 1 (5.5%): $1,463.01
  • Grad School 2 (5.5%): $3,884.93
    TOTAL Remaining: $5,347.94
    Amount paid off this month: $3,083.25
    Amount paid off TOTAL: $38,907.84

From now on, I will be tracking overall debt reduction (mortgage and student loans), retirement and giving contributions, and other stuff. I don't quite know how I want to visualize it, but I know I do better when I'm tracking.

Thanks for sharing this journey with me! It's been wild. Onto new things!

Debt Elimination Update: March 2021 (and Financial Goals for 2021)

I turned 40, both my mother and I are fully vaccinated against Covid, Congress sent us a bunch of money, and the weather is looking up. All in all, March 2021 was VASTLY superior to March 2020. I allowed my blog-business experiment, Free Fun Family, to lapse & it feels good. Kept the domain b/c I like the name. Don't know if I'll use it. Still haven't brought over all my old posts, but I'll get there.

We're so close to paying off the debt I set out to tackle three years ago. In fact, with an expected escrow refund check from the successful completion of our mortgage refinance (2.875%, 30 year, baby), we'll have the credit card portion paid off in April. I have participated in a generous state tax credit program for people with outstanding student loans for the past two years (Marylanders: Check it out), so I think it would be beneficial to shift some of the most urgent financial goals for the remainder of this year.

Hiking was great this month. Here is Wolf Rock!

Here are my NEW 2021 financial goals:

1. Build out the emergency fund to 3 months expenses. We built a full one month e-fund last year to last through the end of debt repayment, but now I'm ready to increase this before finishing the last of the grad loans. Eventually, I would like this to be 6 full months to cover unanticipated employment, home and auto repairs, and potential unpredictable crazy stuff like, oh, say, another pandemic. (Please let it not come to this).
2. Max out my and my husband's Roth IRAs. I have not been able to do this since back when contribution limits were $2,000 (they are now $6,000 per account) in early 2000s. This will be a stretch goal for us, as we are only just over 4% of the way there at the end of Q1. (Note: I am the only income-earner, so my husband's is a Spousal IRA).
3. Increase donations by 1% of income. Last year, not including the money we gifted to family members hit by the shutdowns, we gave 4% while paying off debt. I'm aiming to increase this each year until we are at 10%--I only really started giving substantially a couple years ago. Then I'll hold steady until some very long term financial goals are met. (I do include some of this unexpected stimulus stuff as "income" for my percentage purposes).
4. Stop penny pinching the grocery budget. We love to eat high-quality, local , and organic food. Mingi likes to get stuff that reminds him of home from HMart (the Korean grocery store). I will continue to be extremely conscientious of food waste and unhealthy or environmentally harmful buys, but I already went up one size and egg order for our CSA.
5. Save for a really nice trip for next year. We want to really travel again when the kids are vaccinated. It's a delight and a joy.

We've also got some long term thoughts now that we are almost credit card debt free. We are interested in slow, longer-term travel, my out of pocket Ed.D. expenses, including a sabbatical half-to-full year, and a kitchen remodel. Trying to decide how to prioritize these goals now.

Welcome, Spring!

I am seriously burnt out at work, so I decided to take some annual leave to coincide with my children's Spring Break. This was a good idea. I also am watching more dance movies. This helps, too.

Financial progress from March:

• WOWZA Stimulus Check and State Tax Refund. Largest check to date (I hit under the income limit for single full amount, so yes, we got the full amount for a family of four) and my tax refund both allowed incredible payoffs for this month. We also donated a bit more, increased monthly contributions to the Roth IRAs, and bought my husband a back massager that mounts on his chair, like he has always wanted. Good times.
• Finally signed off the Mortgage Refi. Much lower interest rate and monthly payment. Paying it off early is still a long term goal, but it is not more important than the goals mentioned above at this time.
• Closed some credit cards for simplification purposes. I used balance transfers to keep my interest low while I paid it off, but now I'm hoping to simplify back down to a handful of cards.
• Debt Progress: Here are the numbers for the end of March:
  • Balance Transfer 2 (0% through April 2021): $0 CELEBRATE--one more gone!
  • Balance Transfer 3 (0% through August 2021): $3,000
  • Grad School 1 (5.5%): $1,485.78
  • Grad School 2 (5.5%): $3,945.41
    TOTAL Remaining: $8,431.19
    Amount paid off this month: $6,339.45
    Amount paid off TOTAL: $35,824.49

Look at that crazy 2021 cliff--the debt is just melting away!

Considering that the entire YEAR of 2020 netted a $3,000 (and 87 cents!) payoff on this debt, a single month paying more than double that speaks to how powerful direct giving can be for individuals' finances. The stimulus payments have met some political controversy over concerns that people who didn't "really need" it might get extra money. And we certainly are in the category of not "needing" this money; however, it made a huge difference to our financial picture and will allow us to help more people through community poverty alleviation and direct giving.

While I'm no Andrew Yang enthusiast, I do appreciate what he did to bring the conversation of Universal Basic Income to the national stage during the his presidential bid. I hope that we in the U.S. can divorce ourselves from the inhumanity of equating income with worth.

Hope you had a good March!