Raising Readers

I love reading. I've always known that I wanted to raise my children to be readers. It's a great frugal form of entertainment, and the most critical skill for success in school. In my career as a high school English teacher, I have helped convert hundreds of reluctant, phone-addicted high schoolers into teens who voluntarily read novels. I've convinced students that Will Shakespeare was a pretty cool dude. Yet, when it came to my own children, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to equip them to view reading in the way that Harper Lee once described in To Kill a Mockingbird:

"Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing."

In the library, pre-Covid; still one of our favorite places to hang out!

Luckily, I need not have feared. My son just finished a five book series of 500+ page novels he received as a Christmas present and my daughter is making her way through several different series. Their most recent test scores from school peg their reading levels at 3+ grades above their actual grades. They are readers! Helping my kids become readers was easier and more enjoyable than I could have possibly imagined. I come from an education background, so of course I advocate that families read to children early and often and model literacy. Turns out, that actually works!

Lazy summer deck reading.

As a parent (who feels like she's making it all up as she goes along...), I've also discovered that reading to your kids stops meltdowns in their tracks and provides instant family bonding.  Here are some specific ways to develop young children's literacy:

1. Make the time. Before I had kids, I was understanding about how hard it was as a parent to make time for reading. After all, I love reading, and I don't always make the time to do it. Parents are even busier, right? Y'all--I timed it. Reading one of those little board books takes less than five (yes, FIVE) minutes. And often it's the five minutes during which my child is most cooperative, loving, and attentive. No one screams. Everyone cuddles. Five minutes. It's better than meditation--no lie. How do you not make time for that every, single day? If I hadn't read to my kids, none of us would have made it past age two.  My worst nightmare is a bedtime without books. *shudder*

2. Make books accessible.*  Studies show that being surrounded by books in childhood promotes literacy.  We own a lot of children's books (way more than adult books, thanks to my decluttering efforts). Most of them were gifts or hand-me-downs, but books are the main "toys" we have purchased for our children. However, you don't have to own books to surround your children with books.  Our local library lets patrons check out unlimited items, doesn't charge fines, and allows you to renew materials online. We usually have at least 60 books checked out at any one time--and only like 3-5 of them are for the adults. You can also buy used books or source them through Buy Nothing and Freecycle.

3. Make it a habit. Every time my kids beg for "one more poem" or to be allowed to choose one more picture book or read one more chapter in our novels, I feel like I've won the gold medal of parenting. However, that joy comes from many, many times of being willing to read the same book over again, or pause and read whenever one of my children asks. We treat nagging for books different than just about every other kind of nagging--we indulge it.

4. Give kids choice and agency. Sometimes, I get lucky and my kids are interested in the books I enjoy reading, and we'll have great fun with the works of Roald Dahl, Narnia, and Mossflower. Other times, they want to read endless, technically-oriented volumes about Pokemon (J) or the terribly-written picture book re-telling of Disney princess movies (H).  When the kids are interested in something (be it Kung-fu Panda, or space, or unicorns), we ask the librarians if there are any books about that topic and use Goodreads to find similar recommendations.

5. Model reading books. I think many adults read more on screens (Kindle, smartphones, etc.) than they did just a few years ago.  However, children don't know whether you are reading on your tablet or watching a video.  Be intentional about modeling your reading to your children. Min had to get some Korean books so that the kids could see him reading on paper, not just on the screen.

Snuggly winter couch reading.

Some other tips? Teach letters and sounds, but not to the point that you are sacrificing story and fluency. Readers read content, not phonics.  Don't freak out if your kid who loves listening to you read doesn't transition to reading independence right away. It will happen eventually. The boy who just tore through those 500+ page books didn't read anything but Dog Man independently well through second grade.

* Not every family can afford books. I encourage using the library to fill in the gaps, but that's not always enough.  While compiling this post, I did some research into charities that provide books to kids. I elected to make a donation to Reach Out and Read, an highly rated organization that encourages literacy by integrating books into pediatric care.

We also donate monthly to our local library. We get way more value from it than we do from any streaming media service.

Any other tips from parents out there? How do you foster a love of reading for your children at any age?

Food, Exercise, Nature, and Joy: Health in 2022

Last year work, household, caregiving, and grad school obligations became overwhelming. I found it difficult to make time for exercise and cook healthy foods; I also resorted to stress-eating late at night or picking up fast food. I gained about 20lbs before my brain cleared enough in late October to deal with this neglect of my physical state.

Neglected building along my walking route.

I will admit that there was a part of me that had surrendered--an inner voice that told me I would just "get healthy again" after my doctorate was finished. Then, I read the book Die With Zero by Bill Perkins. This personal finance book proposes that many super-saver ways of conceptualizing money for retirement (always "max out" accounts and optimize savings rates) are not the smartest way to approach finances because you could end up very wealthy, but without the time or health to enjoy what you've accumulated. Ultimately, Perkins advocates that money should be used to maximize fulfillment and experiences over time. Although much of his argument would only apply to those with privilege and comfort enough to be saving too much for retirement and there were some ableist tropes that have been called out on Twitter, I found the book shook me out of a money and health script that had me making bad tradeoffs. Perkins framed our mortality and the decline of our abilities and interests with age in a manner that made me realize how problematic it was for me to wait until some other part of my life is done to care for my health. I want to be able to enjoy my life--now and in the future--and neglecting health is probably the main guarantee that I'm stealing from my future enjoyment. (His book also made me relax a lot about retirement contributions and add life-fulfillment goals into my financial plan, which I really needed to do.)

Noticing a woodpecker on a nature walk.

I reckoned with the fact that I'd been "trying" to lose the weight I'd gained without success on my own; I rejoined WW, which has helped me lose weight in a healthy way in the past, I also recommitted to daily movement that I love--choosing to focus on all the ways I enjoy moving (dancing, walking, hiking, swimming, yoga...) instead of trying to force myself to do exercise I thought I "should" be doing (like jogging and weightlifting). I'm also conceptualizing wellness more broadly by paying attention to the quality of my relationships, prioritizing interactions with friends and family that bring me joy, and trying to spend time in nature really enjoying it.

J is very proud of learning how to solve Rubik's cubes after watching Youtube videos.

Even through the holidays and the stress of Omicron, I have been able to reconnect with the actions and habits that make me feel energized and strong. I have lost about 8 lbs., eaten less fast food and snacks, and exercise nearly daily. I feel much better! Right now, I am enjoying the 30 Day Yoga Journey MOVE from Adriene Mishler. On Twitter, a group of mostly women from my personal finance blogger friends keep me accountable as we cheer each other on with the hashtag #pfyogacrew (anyone is welcome to join in the fun!). I'm remembering not just how much yoga is lovely for meditation and stretching, but it really develops strength and stability. I think I would like to keep up with this as a daily practice beyond the 30 Day challenge.

How are you staying healthy through this difficult time?

Appreciation for the Calm

Starting 2022 amidst the most widespread outbreak of a 2+ year pandemic has ironically led to a slowing down and calm pace for my life. We've been lucky enough to avoid infection thus far, so now that the rates of Covid transmission and hospitalizations are higher than they've ever been, we've elected to reduce the number of activities we are engaging in at present as a mitigation strategy. The kids are still going to school and taekwondo (masked, thankfully), Min is doing whatever shopping we need, and I am going in person to work most days of the week and taking my Mom to doctor's appointments, but we've mostly curtailed other activities. Even though there is no government mandate to refrain, we find it prudent at this time.

Water always makes me feel peaceful. This is the Monocacy River near our home.

For me, this means no gym classes, no dining out, and no gatherings indoors. What's strange this time is that it seems as though very few other people are limiting some of their activities, despite the fact that our hospital is operating in crisis mode and our school staffs are dealing with absentee rates so high that we are discussing possible short-term contingency plans for in-person instruction. The local college I work with has already decided to stay fully remote with virtual instruction through February 6. There's no guidance to help the public in how to navigate what's happening now, and the CDC Director was describing it as "encouraging" that people like me with immune suppression and diabetes are the people that are dying from this round of infection. I digress...

The kids decided to prepare us breakfast for our anniversary (12 years--WOW). It was quite sweet.

Far from feeling deprived and adrift as I did in the early weeks of March and April 2020, I feel an ease of slipping back into the routines and joys we discovered when the whole world shut down. I find myself grateful for the beautiful nature in our neighborhood on my walks, for the free yoga challenge online, for a wonderful dance instructor still having Sunday Zoom workouts, for more time to play board games with my kids and cook healthy meals. I have enjoyed more time to rest and read, dig into my grad classes, write in this blog.

My little snow bunny.

I feel a kind of contented ease that I don't really recall enjoying in the past. Perhaps, I have just become more comfortable with existing in the present moment and enjoying the company of my family. Maybe I like the excuse to ruthlessly cut nonessentials from my life. Or maybe it was the first huge snowstorm of the year which always makes the world look brand new. Whatever it is, I like it. I'm going to try to cultivate this essentialist approach to my time and enjoyment.

Here's a little hope into the world that we can stay healthy and joyful, even if the world feels like it's conspiring to keep us from those things.

Random Reflections as 2021 Closes

We have come to the last day of a very stressful year--which, coincidentally was the first year of my 40s and another year of very strange world events--from an ongoing pandemic to political shenanigans to climate crises to the dehumanization from the patriarchy, white supremacy, global capitalism, and other injustice. There is much from this year that leaves me sad, anxious, and helpless. I try to focus on the positives--vaccines and books, for example. But I will admit that 2021 on a broad scale leaves even silver-lining optimist Diana feeling a bit stretched to come up with much to say about the positive.

Super grateful for my wonderful family.

On a personal scale, I can find a lot more victories and joys. Here are a few:

Financial: Thanks to the largesse of the US government stimulus money, I finally paid off all my credit card debt. In a further debt victory, the rules for Public Service Loan Forgiveness were changed such that it looks like I will be eligible for full forgiveness of my undergraduate and master's degree loans in full. This has enabled us to increase our charitable giving & direct aid to family/friends, contribute more to retirement funds, and spend without worrying on the things we value. Life without crushing debt really changes your outlook. I also found Die With Zero and I Will Teach You to be Rich to be helpful books for this new stage of my financial journey.

Relationships: It was my first full year thinking of myself as a "caregiver" to my mother whose stroke in August 2020 has left her more dependent on others for help. I am proud and grateful at the amount of care I've been able to provide for her. This shift in our relationship has enabled me to reflect on what is most important and let go of more small slights. I feel solidly like a middle age adult, and I think this identity has a lot to do with it. I have rekindled a friendship with my sister who has helped with the caregiving and let go of the relationship with my brother that has always been toxic and strained.

Bringing Mom on vacation to the beach was a major 2021 highlight!

I also deepened my friendships with the women in my book club and their families (all of whom are mixed race, with one Asian, one white parent, such that our children all look more like each other than we do). These friends have become my go-to people. I am so grateful for this group we have built where I feel accepted and built a close community for my biracial children. have also become closer to a few work colleagues, parents of my kids' friends, dance friends, and neighbors this year.

Although I let my blog Free, Fun, Family lapse and haven't been writing as much, I feel connected to several online communities through Twitter, which is now my only social media besides Goodreads. I do hope to reconnect at in-person events with them in the future.

Professional: I am now through two full semesters of work on my Ed.D. program in Educational Leadership--and I love it! It's got me thinking and trying things in different ways that have already resulted in some pretty awesome collaborations and projects at work. It's also been a great outlet for managing, processing, and reflecting on the trauma of these last few years. I find myself re-inspired for educational work in a time of incredible challenge and difficulty in this profession. Although it can be very stressful at times, I'm so glad I decided to pursue this program at this time. I am also becoming close with a number of people in my cohort.

Bringing dually enrolled English Learner students on a tour of campus--many are first gen!!!

Reading: Thanks in part to my daughter's embrace of The Magic Treehouse series towards the end of they year, I made it to my goal of over 100 books in 2021 (as of right now, I'm at 111 and will probably finish at least one more book today). One of my goals was to increase my usual rate of 20-25% books by writers of color, and 43 of those books (38%) were by BIPOC authors. In reviewing my read shelf, I see that most of my books for grad school and my kids' read-alouds were not very diverse. I can't do much about the required reading for grad school (except continuing to advocate for different authors & choosing diverse authors when given a choice), but I think I need to be more intentional about getting my kids books by writers of color. Especially now that they are both independent readers.

So overall, a year of growth and development. Much to celebrate!

Of course, what I am most grateful for and proud of is the growth and closeness of my family. This year's struggles have resulted in a closeness and joy. I can't wait to see what 2022 brings for us!

Harper's Ferry visit with my Uncle Tom!

I've been less pleased with my year in terms of health (I gained weight with how stressful this year has been), minimalism/anti-consumerism, and writing (other than school, I didn't do much this fall). As such, these are the three areas I am focusing on for 2022 "goals."

Goals for 2022:

1. Lose the 20lbs I gained in a healthy way (whole foods, less dining out, more movement, smaller eating window/semi-IF). I'm not really all about the weight anymore & care way more about health, but I know that this weight impacts my diabetes control and makes dancing & hiking a bit harder.

2. Avoid Amazon (which we *still* use far too often), minimize Walmart, more food that's local, & declutter--for realsies.

3. Publish once a week in this blog. Sometimes it's gonna be short, sometimes long. But I have to build my writing muscle again, and I enjoy blogging here. It feels low stakes. Please hold me accountable.

Thank you for reading my thoughts, as always. I hope you are well as the year closes. Do you have any reflections or goals for this year? I'd love to hear them.

Family Fun Tip: Festivals

Originally Posted on May 4, 2018 in Free, Fun, Family

Spring has finally sprung here in Maryland.  In our delightful small city, family-friendly festivals are held year-round.  However the pleasant-weather months of Spring, Summer, and Fall are the heaviest seasons for festivals, since they are usually outdoors.

Every year, our family attends between five and twenty-five festivals or similar events within close driving distance.  We’ve been to farm festivals, history festivals, nature festivals, children’s festivals, Asian/Korean/other culture festivals, holiday-themed festivals (think Fourth of July or Halloween), wine/cheese/maple syrup festivals, and more.  We spend time researching different events in our area and challenge ourselves to find new ones, even as we reprise visiting our favorites.

Such events can be quite expensive, with many opportunities to spend money on food, clothing/gift items, and activities, so it pays to do some work to keep costs down and maximize the fun without a lot of spending.  Here are my tips for maximizing your frugal enjoyment of these festivals:

1. Look for festivals with no or very low entry fees, and watch for hidden fees.  And watch out for “free” entry, but then everything associated with the event costs money (parking fees, tickets to purchase for activities, extra money for tastings, etc.).  Most of the festivals we frequent are free with free parking, but we’ll pay a bit if it offers a lot of entertainment value for our whole family.  I find that festivals sponsored by nonprofit entities (health agencies, parks and rec, churches, libraries, etc.) tend to be better about this than private organizations, but not always.  One of my favorite festivals for our young children is the spring/fall festival at a local commercial dairy farm (where the goat picture came from).  They are very generous with their samples, full of fun activities and performers, and free hayrides up a mountain.
2. Pack most of your food, but splurge on the “special treat.”  Most festivals have food vendors selling very overpriced, mediocre meals.  It’s easy to spend $20 (or more) for a family of four on crappy sandwiches and/or room temperature pizza.  We usually pack a decent picnic lunch, water bottles, and snacks, but plan to spend a little on something unique to the festival–like purchasing some maple candies at the maple syrup festival or ice cream from the aforementioned dairy farm.  That said, we still limit our portions and share (two single servings are usually more than enough for the four of us).
3. Beware impulse purchases.  You are having a great time.  The weather’s lovely!  Your children are happy and cooperative!  These nice artists are here talking about the local sources for their supplies–and suddenly $50 for a pair of earrings for Mom’s Christmas gift doesn’t sound unreasonable at all…  STOP!  Most vendors will have contact information and an online store.  You can still support them if you enjoyed their art and their story, but there is no need to make that decision RIGHT THERE.
4. Look for discounts. One of our favorite carnivals is the local firehouse carnival.  There are two or three nights they offer “Ride All Night” for one price specials.  But even better–if you buy these tickets a month or so in advance, they cost less than half what they do if you buy them at the door.  Some of the sponsors of festivals have deals through their websites or even through services like Groupon.  It doesn’t hurt to look around.
5. Beware crowds. Try to find less popular festivals.  Or go when the weather is less optimal (cold, windy days and light drizzle are still fine if you have proper outerwear and an enterprising attitude).  Or arrive really early.  Crowds usually mean long lines and whiny kids–NOT FUN.

Get out and learn about your community without much cost!  What was your favorite family festival experience?

Ways We Save Money: the YMCA

 Originally Posted on April 5, 2018 on Free, Fun, Family

Our family membership to the local YMCA is our biggest entertainment expenditure, but it also offers us so much value for that money.  We have a household membership that covers all four members of our household, but the cost would not increase if we had more children/household members.  However, we save money on this membership in the following ways:

1. I work for the local school district, so we have a 10% employee discount on the monthly fee.
2. We joined in a month with free registration (twice a year they waive the signup fee).
3. Every month we fill out “Frequent Y-er” cards that get entered in a drawing for a free membership.
4. When we travel for a month or more, we suspend our membership during the time we are gone.

Additionally, the YMCA offers reductions in rates for individuals with low incomes and reciprocity agreements with other YMCAs throughout our state and around the nation.  It’s pretty awesome.  Here are some ways we use and have used the Y with no additional costs:

1. Free, up to two hours per day, childcare for children age 6 weeks+ while adults use the facility.  H refers to it as her “school,” and she gets the benefit of socializing with other children and following the directions of other adults without additional preschool costs, while Min works out or relaxes.
2. Tons of awesome group exercise classes.  I’ve become addicted to BANG (a dance fitness class), but also regularly participate in BodyPump and Insanity/CORE classes.  I irregularly participate in Yoga, PiYo, and Zumba, but would do them more often if the times worked with my schedule.
3. Two personal training sessions and a personal training software system, ActivTrax, which helps navigate strength exercise training.
4. Two year-round pools with lots of times for “Open Rec,” which is often a great way to get the kids to expend lots of energy on a day with too much rain or too hot for outdoor play.
5. An indoor track and open gym times for us to play with the kids and encourage their physical education.
6. Reserving racquetball courts for indoor soccer sessions (this is a Min specialty).
7. Socializing (most of our close friendships with local families began at the Y).
8. Great shower facilities for men, women, and children, including family changing/shower rooms for the pool.
9. Outdoor playground equipment for the preschool/daycare, but open for Y members to use.
10. Weekly farmer’s market on the premises (seasonal).

We have also paid modest, member-priced fees to participate in additional programs/services at the Y, including:

1. J’s martial arts classes.
2. Swimming lessons for J and H.
3. Drop-in preschool “open gym” for J and H, when they were each the right ages for this. (I think this is $2-3 for a 2 hour, staff-supervised session with gymnastics equipment).
4. J attended a half-day 3 day/week preschool through the Y when he was three years old.  We won’t do this for H because as a younger sibling, she doesn’t need as much structured exposure to peers before school begins.
5. I pay $35/year for a kit locker that allows me to leave some of my belongings in a locker overnight.  This is a lifesaver for me since before work is the most convenient exercise time for me, so I leave my shower supplies at the Y.
6. Other Y-sponsored fundraising events including an annual magic show and a great trail 5K/10K run.

It is not an exaggeration to say that we, as a family, average 20-30 hours/week at the YMCA (not always all together, but sometimes).  As H grows, she seems very interested in dance and gymnastics, so it seems likely our commitment to the Y will expand at that time.

Many personal finance bloggers view a gym membership as a monthly expense to cut, but I believe our membership actually saves us money on entertainment and children’s supplemental activities.  I’m sure it also indirectly saves our health expenses, mental health expenses (for a stay at home parent, especially), and water bill.  I also think that my increased focus on health (which included upping the hours spent working out at the Y) and weight loss contributed to my success and promotion at work.  I view this membership as an investment in our family health and happiness–and we really use it well!

Getting Healthy: Update

I believe I alluded to the fact that I made "Lifetime" with WeightWatchers a few months ago.  Since that time, I had some crazy stress which affected my maintenance plan and as of this writing, I weigh about 10 lbs above my WW goal of 162.  A couple months ago, I made the decision that rather than go back to WW, I would try the health thing on my own.  Really, now that I've achieved weight loss, I am more interested in improving health through diet and exercise.

My health is pretty good right now.  My ulcerative colitis has been in remission through remicade since the birth of my daughter in 2015.  My diabetes is now two years medication-free with A1C testing normal.  I need to keep the focus on a lower-carb diet and lots of exercise if I want to stay medication-free and essentially not diabetic as long as possible.

Diet

Since I'm trying to save money, meal planning healthfully at home helps achieve both goals.  My workday daily pattern is something like this:

Beverages: coffee with unsweetened vanilla almond milk
Breakfast: two eggs with fat free/reduced fat cheese with vegetable/salsa and low carb "bread"
Snack: plain greek yogurt with a sprinkle of low sugar granola
Lunch: leftover something
Snack: hummus or guacamole with carrots or peppers
Dinner: cooking something--maybe I'll blog some of my kitchen adventures

If I get hungry, I'll add a low fat cheesestick, piece of fruit, or chips and salsa.  I usually let myself have a small piece of chocolate or two at work (dove or hersey kiss).

This seems to be working for me, but it's not really a "weight loss" diet, so I'm not losing much at the moment.  I'm eating healthy food when I am hungry and not beating myself up about it.  I feel well fed and energized.

Fitness

When I began my new job, I decided I would take the time I usually used in the morning to lesson plan and grade papers before work started and exercise instead.  I have been sticking to this plan really well by doing two early AM classes at the YMCA on Mondays (Insanity and CORE) and Wednesdays (Body Pump) and continuing my dance fitness class (Bang PowerDance) at the Y on Saturdays.  I have also been going in Thursday or Friday morning (or both) to swim, jog, or lift weights, depending on my mood and body aches.

This is a lot more intense exercise and resistance training than I've ever tried before.  Although the first couple weeks hurt a lot and I feel ridiculously weak whenever we do anything involving shoulders and triceps, I LOVE it.  I feel stronger and get better at the exercises every week.

Although I'm not wearing my FitBit anymore, I'm still pushing myself to include more daily movement (walking up the stairs to the 4th floor office and to whatever level I'm parked on the garage, using part of my lunch break to walk around, parking in a distant end for meetings offsite and walking, etc.).  Again, I'm super focused right now on feeling more fit and energized.  It's been working for the most part.

I've noticed an increase in definition of my muscles and the clothes I bought when I hit lifetime are fitting well again, so I'm probably a similar size when I was at my lowest weight.

I need to go get my bloodwork done again, so hopefully the A1C is still healthy.  We'll see!

February Progress for Debt Elimination!

In February of this year, I made a major life transition: I took a new position with my public school district that took me out of a classroom and into an office building.  Although I have been working on making this transition for the last few years through a graduate program, I was not expecting the opportunity to come so suddenly.  I had planned to wait until my now two-year-old daughter was in Kindergarten to make this transition, but a dream job posted.  I went for it, not expecting to be taken seriously at this time, and got hired.  

I absolutely love my new position, but am adjusting to a lot of things that come with a sudden major change in daily patterns.  Now that I'm about a month in, I am noticing that I have more energy and desire to read and write again.  I don't know if it will go anywhere major, but I think I want to start up my little blog again.  I used to have big ambitions for this blog, but this time around, I just want to use it as an outlet to explore some ideas and projects I have in the works.

If you are still reading after my lengthy absence, thank you.  If you are new, welcome.

My inspiration for blogging at this moment is that I am in progress on a new debt elimination plan and find that blogging about it holds me more accountable and helps me reflect on choices.  It is not the first time I've struggled with this problem.  However, my promotion has left me in the enviable position of having fewer "excuses" about why I can't get completely out of debt if I try really hard.  I feel excited again remembering my original commitment to reducing my consumerism when I returned from Korea (which I've let creep up a bit from addiction to convenience and laziness--thanks for the kick in the pants, MrMoneyMustache).

Progress from February:

• I became accountable to myself, looking at debt and owning my budgetary failures. I discovered that I have allowed my family to wrack up a LOT of consumer debt this year, mostly attributable to two major home renovation/improvement projects (HVAC replacement and removing a wall from our living area).  We have also traveled a great deal in the last year, which is great, but not at the cost of debt.  Additionally, my habits of eating out often (often fast food, just for me--neither healthy nor social) and aspirational purchases when I got my new position (I thought I needed to dress a lot fancier; turns out I probably could have made due with just a few items upgrading) contributed significantly.  I must own that.
• I refunded the emergency fund to $1,000. Along with the head/heart work above, I committed to a new understanding of what constitutes an emergency.  Then I used part of my tax refund to refuel my EF which had dwindled to about $300.
• I did the math. At the start of February, here is what I owed in really awful consumer debt, in the order that I plan to pay it back.  Note this made me SICK:
• Personal Loan: $3,529
• Wells Fargo Home Improvement Loan: $5,579
• USAA Visa Card: $8,360
• Bank of America AmEx: $13,488
• TOTAL (so ugly): $30,956
• I made mistakes, but I am heading in the right direction.  I devoted a large tax refund and salary reimbursement from my previous position to paying off this debt.  My new totals, at the end of February:
• Personal Loan: $0 (YAY!!!)
• Wells Fargo Home Improvement Loan: $5,000
• USAA Visa Card: $8,065
• Bank of America AmEx: $13,782*
• TOTAL (still so ugly): $26,847
• Amount paid off: $4,109 (WOWEE!)

*Early in the month before a strict commitment to this project, I used this card for convenience when I left my card used strictly for personal expenses and paid off each month at home.  This was part of my re-education about the seriousness of my problem I was treating far too casually in 2017.

That's a great feeling to see that progress.  (Haha: I'm already so glad I wrote up this blog post.) It's not a realistically sustainable level of debt payoff for our family every month (like I said, refunds and reimbursements made a huge difference), but it makes me acknowledge the power of focus.  Just like losing the weight (yes, I did make lifetime with WW), I have to remember that focus and commitment every day is necessary, but it's hard to see progress in the moment.  I also have set myself up for success going forward during this month.  That feels great, too.

Goals for March:

-Use grocery food more efficiently to reduce food waste and cost.

-Plan meals and cook at home unless socializing with another person (personal food purchases outside the home only from set cash allowance).

-No purchases of clothing/shoes for this month.  (I have developed a small addiction to shopping websites and stores... don't need that in my life right now... commence re-addiction to reading, a free source of entertainment)

These are totally achievable for me AND will help with my health!

My sad, neglected blog and a breakdown/through

Baby's first sailing trip.

I have been neglecting you again, my blog and my readers.  Some of this is from being busy (isn't it always?) but I'm just now realizing that much of it has been an unwillingness (or if I'm feeling kinder towards myself, an inability due to other pressures) to be insightful enough to admit something to myself I don't really want to deal with.  But I'm there, so I might as well share it with you:  I am in the middle of another episode of depression.  At least I get to call it postpartum and feel the support of other moms, right?

I went back to work a bit over a month ago.  Being a working mom is a transition as dramatic as having a newborn, but I don't think I was as prepared for this one.  I'm adjusting to the new routine (as is Min Gi, now a full time dad, and the baby, who is as awesome, healthy, and cute as always), but it's taking some time.

Min Gi with Jeongmin on a walk in the park.

I've had health problems since going back from the stress/lack of time, but I'm recovering from them now.  I have nothing even remotely like "free time" anymore and just about anything I do have goes to time with the baby or time with the baby and the husband. I haven't been reading much--blogs, books, or otherwise--and have inadvertently given up television. I don't even usually get online when I'm not at work these days.  I don't take care of myself like I know I need to to avoid depression.  That needs to change.

We went through a period where Jeongmin went on a once or twice a day nursing strike because he was suddenly taking so many more feedings from the bottle.  That was rough and terrifying.  During that time, I began to feel personally rejected by him.  This feeling has grown and gotten worse.  I now feel like the baby hates me and that I can't do anything right as a mom.  I get really anxious when he starts to cry or when I'm left alone with him for too long, and I start snapping at Min Gi and it just gets worse from there.

This little guy loves his Daddy so much!

I finally realized that I'm dealing with the PPD beast on Friday when I screamed like a mad woman at my husband for doing a load of laundry and not putting my jeans in it and then crying so pathetically and hysterically for two hours that he (and the baby) thought I was laughing at first.
Typing all that makes it sound a lot worse than it is.  I really love Jeongmin.  His smile makes my whole world stop for a moment.  My relationship with Min Gi is in most ways stronger than it has ever been.  I'm happy a lot of the time.  But all of this is what made me keep dismissing these growing, nagging feelings as unimportant.  I really should know better than to do that by now.

With the baby in my favorite carrier.

So... I have an appointment with a counselor.  I am not even considering medication at this time, since my self-care could be a lot better and the only depression meds approved for breastfeeding are ones I have had a horrible reaction to in the past.  I will not give up breastfeeding because in my worst, darkest moments where I think the baby would be better with just about any other mom than me, I can at least tell myself that breastfeeding is going well.

And that's where I am.  And where I've been.

I'll let y'all know how it goes.

10 Things I've Learned about Mommyhood

Inspired by Shotgun Korea, now Shotgun Adventures (as they are on the West Coast of the U.S. these days), I thought I'd post 10 bits of mom wisdom I've acquired in the 8 weeks (really, 8 as of tomorrow!) I've been a mom.  Don't expect profound secrets here.  Just stuff I've figured out.

1.  My emotional repertoire has stretched to new limits.  The highs are higher, the lows lower.  My heart feels like it just woke up in technicolor Oz after living in black and white Kansas my whole life.  It's not that having a kid makes me happier or sadder or anything like that--it's that I had no idea there were emotions left I still had not experienced in my life.  And there is no greater feeling in the world than uncovering a limitation that you didn't even know you had and pushing through it.  I loved being a teacher because I could put kids in touch with that feeling, but I really wasn't sure I'd ever experience it again the way I had as a student in high school and college.  What intellectual discovery was like as a young adult student is what the emotional discovery of being a parent is like.  Amazing.

2.  Being a mom makes you ridiculously proud of completely mundane things your baby does.  Like poop.  And eat.  And smile.  And sleep.  Because to you, none of these things are mundane or boring.  They are endlessly, endlessly fascinating.  And you talk about them.  Sometimes too much.

3.  The sleep deprivation you've heard about?  It's bad.  Really bad.  But you'll be amazed how fast you adapt.  Before having the baby, I was one of those people who was practically nonfunctional without my eight hours.  Even in high school and college, when all of us were seriously sleep deprived but it was ok because we were young and our bodies recovered fast, I wouldn't pull all-nighters.  I would crash for a couple hours first because my brain does not function well without sleep.  And especially since getting ulcerative colitis, I've found that lack of sleep sometimes sends me into a flare, so of course I was terrified about the newborn sleep deprivation winding me up in the hospital.  But I've adapted--my body has adapted. There are still moments at 3 or 4 a.m. when the baby is crying for his 4th or 5th feeding of the night that I'm so exhausted I worry I might drop him and we end up co-sleeping the rest of the night, but I recover from it.


4.  Don't talk about anything important with your husband when one or both of you are overtired.  It leads to fights.  Sometimes nasty ones.  Just go to sleep.  Talk about it tomorrow.  It's not as urgent as you think it is.

5.  Go out, with and without the baby, as soon as you can.  It is overwhelming, exhausting, and scary at first, but it helps you feel more like you.  Being you is good.  Being a mom is grand.  But at first it's really hard to reconcile your image of yourself with motherhood.  Getting out of the house helps this process immensely for some reason.  And most babies like going out--mine certainly does.



6.  Use a pocket diaper overnight for cloth.  The pocket diapers wick moisture away from the baby's bum so he doesn't fuss about his wet diaper and goes back to sleep without you having to change it for a wee.  You still have to change it for a larger mess, and boy does he stink in the morning, but it is worth it for the glorious, glorious sleep it gives you.


7.  Breastfeeding is hard.  I have dealt with bruised nipples, plugged ducts, painful engorgement, crazy hormones, a let-down so powerful that it sometimes gags my poor little guy, and a tear-filled night in the hospital where I forced the poor little newborn (2 days old) to feed for three hours straight so the doctor wouldn't make me give him formula and she made me do it anyways.  And I'm actually one of the "lucky" ones who have had very few problems overall.  In the mommy groups I've joined, there are brilliant, accomplished, lovely women--lawyers and scientists and therapists and teachers--reduced to tears because their kid never can quite learn to latch or they are in so much pain when they feed that they can't sleep or their doctor is "concerned" about the weight gain of the baby, even if everything else is going well.

8.  Even when breastfeeding is "easy", it's tempting to give it up.  Why?  Dude, after 3 HOURS of feeding him and then he sucked down 2 oz of formula in about five minutes with no problems and then slept four hours straight, I got it.  I finally got why even well-intentioned women who CAN breastfeed might choose to give it up.  Furthermore, in some ways, especially in the early weeks, breastfeeding ties you down.  Feeding every 2-3 hours doesn't sound so bad until you realize that it's start time to start time and when the baby is learning to feed (about the first 2-4 weeks), it can regularly take 40 min to an hour to complete.  Then you burp him, change him, nap for like 20 min, and start the whole damn thing over again!  It's exhausting.  Breastfeeding babies take longer to sleep through the night--mine still has yet to do a stretch longer than five hours.  Our culture doesn't support it (I get dirty looks at restaurants all the time--and I use a nice modesty shield!).  Formula is convenient (and also free if a mom does WIC).  Until the personal electric pumps became widely available, working women had few options but to wean at least partially.  Even with the pump, you have to learn all this stuff about freezing and storing and thawing which is complicated (and some babies won't take defrosted milk, so those women can't build up a back-up supply).  And still few workplaces are supportive of nursing moms (see my point about cultural non-support).  I breastfeed, but I completely understand women who have chosen not to in order to preserve their own sanity.

9.  Breastfeeding makes you feel powerful.  Really powerful.  Almost like a superhero.  Beyond the bonding with the infant skin-to-skin stuff, I've never been prouder of my body than when it produced milk successfully for my baby.  Even my healthy pregnancy didn't feel so... powerful.  Boobs are awesome.  And I mean like I am in awe of them.  But...

10.  Breastfeeding makes you feel less sexy.  Not un-sexy, just that two of your main body parts that used to be just about exclusively sexual have this whole other function.  And they are constantly being touched in a way that feels good, but not sexual.  It throws your whole pre-baby sense of who you were as a sexual being off.  There's a really great post I read recently that touches on this and goes into other details of postpartum sex.  I recommend it.

2012: Year of the Dragon, Resolution!

I'm going to try a single resolution this year.  Of course, I always have numerous goals I'm working towards, but I would like one big fat goal that I achieve this year.  That goal is health through weight loss.

Currently, I weigh 215 lbs.  When I got pregnant, I was approximately 190 (high for me, mostly because of the depression) and when I checked into the hospital, I weighed in at 240, so I'd like to pretend that I've already lost 25 lbs, rather than think of it as a 50 lb gain.  This makes me feel good and like I can accomplish my weight loss.  My ultimate goal is to be under 70 kgs (154 lbs), but I have never weighed that little in my adult life, so I may have to adjust the goal as I approach it.  I have broken this into interim goals of being under 200 lbs (I would like to achieve this by the time I return to work in mid-February) and being under 180 lbs by the end of April when some of the Korean relatives will be visiting.  From there, I will re-assess the weight portion of my goal.

Really my goal is threefold:  1)  to be in a healthy weight range for my height, 2) to have eating habits that I would like my son to emulate, and 3) to build my activity level back up to a high level I used to enjoy before I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis.

The ways I plan to achieve this goal are as follows:

1)  I want to start doing meal planning.  Since one-month cooking sounds a little intimidating, I plan to start with once-a-week cooking.  This will help eliminate the random eating out that really should only be on special occasions.
2)  Make water my primary liquid.  I should not be drinking much else.  I may try quitting soda.  Right now, I'd rather focus on other things, but I am going to reach for a glass of water FIRST and then have something else if I still want it.
3)  Exercise in some fashion everyday.  I've noticed it has a huge impact on my mood when I go out in the stroller with the baby, even if I at first feel like I'm too tired or overwhelmed by my to-do list to bother.  Honestly, 20 minutes of walking is sometimes even better for me right now than a 20 minute nap or a 20 minute laundry session.  And it's good for the baby, too.
4)  Track my weight.  Possibly keep a food journal.  Whenever I do this consistently, I tend to lose or AT LEAST maintain.
5)  Observe and journal about my emotional relationship to food and focus on fullness/food cues.  I may share some of this on the blog, but a lot of it is very personal.  I may just note it in my offline journal.  But I think this is a key element of long-term weight loss that I sometimes don't put as much work into as I really should.

If I implement all of these things, but I don't quite hit my weight loss goal dates, I know that's ok because these habits are really the ones I need to become healthy.  Being a mom has really underscored the significance of health and of being a healthy role model.  I want to be able to chase after my little guy as he grows up and for him not to have to struggle with the emotional food issues I have dealt with in my life.  For him to learn this really well, I need to learn it better myself.

This is my resolution for 2012.  It is my only one.  I have other things I hope/plan to accomplish, but this is the one thing I will focus on this year.  I will keep you posted now and then.

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas, 2011; And, ambivalence.

Jeongmin smiled at me for the first time (real smile, not just gas or contentment) on X-mas eve.  I captured it on camera Christmas morning.

This year for Christmas, we had an especially lovely family celebration. My dad's brother, Rob, and his wife and son joined us for the festivities. Plus, of course, I suppose Jeongmin's first Christmas is a big deal (even if he won't remember it, being only three weeks old).  I'm not a sentimental "Oh my god--it's baby's First Christmas!!!" type, but Min Gi is and so is my mother, so I'm glad it was pretty special.  And maybe my son will turn out to be the holiday lover in the family, so it's good I got some pictures of him with the whole tree/present thing.

 Baby J's big gift from Santa--a new jungle playmat.  He loves the mirror and he's starting to be more aware of his environment, so it's the perfect time for him to start playing like this.  Yes, that is a "My First Christmas" baby outfit... a present from a friend who couldn't use it for her baby last year.

At the risk of alienating people and becoming a grossly unpopular Scrooge-like figure, I have to admit that I have a love-hate relationship with Christmas.  Partly, it's that I'm not Christian, so a lot of the religious spirit of the holiday is not a part of my scripting, but we all know that Christmas is as much a cultural holiday in the U.S. as it is a religious one, and it's that part of the celebration that I find myself feeling such ambivalence about.

Giant Monkey attack--nearly eats the baby.

I love the family togetherness, the good feelings, the yummy cookies and other meals, the stories and folklore, the warm wishes from everyone, and even the decorations (especially the ones that come out year after year and have special meaning--Grandma's old ornaments, the ones my siblings and I made in daycare centers when we were little, the woven ones my parents brought back from their years in Ecuador). I missed all that while I was in Korea from 2007-2010 and being "home" for Christmas these last two years has been amazing.

There is only one present in this picture I need or want.

What I don't love is how something so nice can turn so blatantly commercial and become a pressure cooker for gift giving and receiving in which your obligations as both the giver and recipient are immense. I actually heard people I love saying things like "I spent $80 on them--she better wear them!" and wondering aloud if they had spent "enough" money even though the gift they had already picked out was lovely, thoughtful, and appropriate.

I don't get it.  I love giving presents (and who doesn't love getting some thoughtful gifts?), but I often do so throughout the year, as things occur to me.  I don't get the whole holiday=stuff thing and kind of never have.  My first Christmas where I could talk, my parents got me a really nice Fisher Price house and a bunch of other stuff.  I opened the one toy and played with it for like an hour or so.  Mom then asked me to open my other gifts, and I said "No, this is enough for today."  (Of course my parents, who had worked hard in shopping for and arranging gifts for me made me open the rest of them, but this has become family legend.)  My first Christmas where I purchased my own gifts with my own money (in high school), I made donations in each of my family's names to a charity that suited their own personal interests (like the WWF for my sister and a comic book free speech group for my brother).  I usually try to make presents if I can.

But this year, I didn't have time (or in all honesty, the free cash) to shop this year and the cookies I had planned to bake didn't happen because Jeongmin got sick with a minor cold in the days leading up to the holiday, so I did not get presents for people this year. I feel bad about it.  I feel overwhelmed by my too-generous relatives.  I wonder if somehow my dislike of commercialism and failure to wrap something up and put it under the tree disappointed them (even though I got everyone presents when I went on vacation this summer and other events of that nature).

I may be the only person in the whole of America who didn't find the stories of people anonymously paying off Walmart and K-mart layaways heartwarming. Maybe it's because I work all year for an organization that has to tell people (often good, hardworking people) that the rent money relief they so desperately need in order to not become homeless is currently out of funds, but I don't find "donations" so that kids whose parents can't really afford it can have a bunch of cheap, plastic junk to be very charitable. I'd rather make sure we have the cash so they don't become homeless. Or so we can fund a program to help them find a job when they're out of work or quality, affordable daycare so they can keep their jobs.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful.  My mother is the opposite of me and always expresses her love through giving and loves nothing better than holidays.  She decorates up a storm and is wonderful at picking out Christmas gifts that make everyone feel special and loved.  It overwhelms me, but I truly appreciate her generosity.  I just think spending time with people is more important than getting them stuff.  Even when it's stuff they want.  And that what you do throughout the year is a bigger deal than one specific day.

Will I feel differently about making him happy through purchases and toy gifts when he is older?  I don't know.  For now, I just love him and want to spend time with him (and the rest of my family).  That's all I really care about.

Christmas 2011

Thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.  I've been crabby and impatient the last few days dealing with the end-of-pregnancy body blahs, but I'm still very thankful for many things in my life.  This list is not really in order, but here we are:

1.  Always and forever, I am thankful to Min Gi, who continues to surprise me with his patience, concern, love, and growth. He's about to be the best damn dad in the whole world to our little one--I can tell.
2.  I am thankful for the closeness I've had with my family this year.  My family is not always easy to get along with up close, but the last year has been one of a surprising increase in the depth and quality of my relationships with each of my immediate family members.  Most especially my mother, who at one time I believed I could never have the kind of close relationship I desired.  Do they still drive me nuts?  Sure.  But we are all in a very good place these days.  It was unexpected.
3.  I am very thankful for my mental health recovery.  Being depressed sucks (so y'all know).
4.  Despite the discomforts of the last few weeks, I'm thankful that my first time ever being pregnant has been so healthy and successful.  I know not everyone gets that, so even though I have griped and dealt with negative hormonal surges, I've been pretty darn lucky overall.
5.  I am thankful that I found a job I love and believe in and feel valued and competent.  This probably has contributed to #3 more than anything else.  I am thankful to my co-workers and for the opportunity that came about at such a fortuitous moment in my life.  And extremely thankful about how supportive they have been of my transition to motherhood.
6.  I am very thankful for friends near and far who have been patient with my funk earlier in 2011 and, despite largely electing to be childless themselves (so far for some), tolerant of my increasing baby-brain-ness.  I am thankful for the new friends I've made who are already moms (and some old friends who have grown close again because of this) and have been helping me through a lot of this.
7.  I am thankful for Min Gi's family who support us immeasurably from Korea.  I know he misses them a ton and I *will* find a way for us to visit them next spring or summer.
8.  I am thankful for the strides we have made this year financially as a family unit.  Compared to this time last year, we are in a much better place as far as working together to accomplish monetary goals.  We still have a long way to go, and I promise I'll start blogging about this again, but for now, Min Gi and I are just a lot more supportive of each other and a lot more comfortable expressing our true needs than we were.  It's pretty awesome.
9. I am thankful for the health of our other two family members--Saja and Princess--who have been through 5 moves in the last two years (one of which was international) and have adjusted stunningly each time.  Dear, dear kitties.
10.  Everyday, I am more and more thankful for the choices my privileged life allows.  I become more aware of them as I grow older, and sometimes it's hard to think about how lucky I am because of the difficulties I see, but overall, I'm a very lucky, lucky person.

November Already?

How did it get to be the end of 2011 already?  And how is it that the most important event of my 2011 (in case you can't figure that one out, it's the birth of my first child sometime in the next month or so) has not even happened yet?

I'm feeling very transitional these days, and I'm becoming more comfortable with it.  I usually like to have a set plan for the next six months, year, and five years mapped out.  I've always remained flexible with these plans, allowing them to change as new life stuff comes up, but I feel a lot more comfortable when I know where I'm going next.

However, I've come to terms over the last three months that I cannot possibly predict what my life will be like after the birth of my son.  (Three months ago, with hormones raging, I was utterly despondent over the loss of control becoming a parent represented.  Although I chose not to blog about my misery, rest assured there was much fighting with Min Gi and fear of insanity...).  I can imagine and hope and daydream about the kind of parent I'd like to be, but if I'm honest with myself, I cannot possibly know what my priorities will be after our family grows by 50 percent, other than to assume that my child will be in my top five, likely vying for the top two, along with my marriage. 

This makes things like planning a career path, health and financial goals, travel adventures, or writing projects somewhat up in the air.  I'm guessing these things will still be very important to me, but the way I approach them and the shapes they take may alter dramatically.  And that's ok.

Today, at 36 weeks and change, I had another ultrasound to determine the position of the baby (he's head down, which is grand) and the approximate size of the beast at the moment (around 6lbs 5oz, though my doctor cautions that 3rd trimester scans are not very accurate and it could be a pound up or down from there).  All is healthy and well.  On Friday, he will officially be "term" meaning that they won't try to stop labor if it starts, although we're still hoping he goes to 39+ weeks, since that's best for his development.

I'm about ready to have my body back to myself, although it will ironically signal a much more profound movement away from independence than pregnancy.  I'll let you know how that goes.

Overwhelmed? Just start...

Ok, so I really am ready to begin again with this blogging thing, but I'm having some troubles because I'm overwhelmed with where to begin, how on earth to play catch-up to my satisfaction, and the urgent desire to make whatever I'm posting extremely worthy of reading to those of you who have been waiting for my return (you know... all five of you, including Mom and Dad).

And I guess instead of worrying about all of the blogging "tasks" I want to do, I should just start by posting an honest admission that I am overwhelmed.  And then... to just begin.

So here I am.  Hello.  Welcome back, Diana.

I watched the final Harry Potter film today and wept like a little baby from about the point of Snape's remembrances to the end.  'Cause I'm an emotional slob like that.

I will not promise mind-blowing posting of epic proportions because I'm just going to try a little experiment for now.  I'm going to write something here.  Everyday.  Even if I think it is stupid.  Hopefully I will eventually have some stuff up and going again that is NOT stupid.

I'll share today that last night, I felt the first really good kick from Peanut.  I'm about halfway through the pregnancy and that flipping, weirdo feeling in my abdomen just made the whole thing Real.  Which is very exciting.  Scary, as I've said before, but I'm now much more positive and excited about the whole thing.  Especially since all the job stuff is worked out (for me... Min Gi is a whole other story), and I'm pretty settled into my new position.  I'm also moving in a week.  I will explain more on that, I promise, but that's in that category of Overwhelming that I'm currently avoiding.

So for now, I will go back to my homemade pizza dough that is rising (yes, I make my own pizza dough now... see?  A lot has happened since I've been a non-presence in my blog own world), and to the episodes of SYTYCD in my Hulu queue (yes, I still am madly in love with that show), and think about the fact that I MIGHT know Peanut's gender by this time tomorrow.

How are all of you?

Project 30: Cutting housing costs or We're moving!

When making plans to move back to America, my parents very generously offered to let us live with them for as long as needed to get on our feet.  Without that support, moving back to the U.S. at this time would have been possible, but extremely difficult and much more expensive.  However, both of my adult younger siblings still live at home, so space is pinched.  Also, some unforeseen setbacks on the parents' basement renovations meant that the room where we were supposed to stay was not ready.  So for my first month back, I was without my husband, without a job, sleeping on a pull-out sofa in a high-traffic part of my parents' very packed and full home.  Talk about stress:  Looking back, it's a miracle there was no murder!

Luckily, my parents, siblings, and I have all grown up enough in our relationships that we not only survived this period, we actually had some fun.  Min Gi and I considered staying there longer to save up some more funds before moving out even after I got a job.  It might have been worth the temporary stress to be able to be on steadier financial ground.

Then I got a job offer about 60 miles one-way (80 minutes with no traffic around the heavy-traffic DC beltway away).  The decision to move out made by the fact that I was unwilling to endure this commute.  This gave us a week to find a house and move before my job began.  Not much time to find the most economic options.

In my investigation of the area, the difference between a live-able 1 bedroom apartment and a 2-bedroom townhouse was about $200/month.  So we went with the townhouse, although the rent was an uncomfortable 30% of my gross income (I hadn't gotten a paycheck yet...there was the mistake).  I figured we could swing it for a few months on just my salary and then Min Gi would find a job and we'd be fine.  We moved in, set up house, and were happy and optimistic about life.

When the paychecks began to come, the sticker shock for couples medical insurance premiums, teacher union fees, mandatory pension contributions, and taxes was overwhelming.  Furthermore, teacher salary is complicated by the fact that we are 10-month employees.  In my district, we have the option of spreading that to 12-month pay (which I took for my first year until we could put our own plan in place to save), but the way my district balances pay is that they don't take into account that the only deductions that will come out in the summer is taxes--so my pay is disproportionately smaller during the school year.

Although rent at the townhouse was 30% of my gross, it was a completely unacceptable 60% of my take-home.  Then, there were utilities.  Sure, we could survive on that (with no fun budget at all), but I want to pay off my debt, save for growing our family and emergencies, fully fund our retirement, and save for my husband's future business.  We didn't even have the wiggle room in the budget to save up for a plane ticket for Min Gi to visit his family in 2011!  I started to get stressed.  Again.  Stress like this is bad.

Back in November, when we realized this wouldn't work, and that just moving to a smaller apartment wouldn't solve the problem since it wouldn't make a big enough impact on our overall housing costs, we talked and decided we could handle a roommate.  We sent out feelers to our friends in the area if any young person was looking for a room in the area so that we could move them into the extra bedroom and split some costs.  No dice.  We posted an ad on craigslist and got a few responses, but the cats were a dealbreaker for many people.  I started to lose hope of getting relief for this situation.

Then, a friend of mine from theater, Dav (that's like Dave, but without the "e"), who lives in the same city as we do with a married couple in a small house, sent out an e-mail that his roommates had gotten jobs in Kansas and were moving out, but that he didn't want to leave the house and so was looking for new roommates.  Min Gi and I met with him last night to check out the space (and then we all went out to a nice Mexican restaurant to chat) and decided we're going to take it.  Our current lease requires 60 days notice and a fee (which is less than the discount we got on the rent when we initially moved in for being such awesome potential tenants, so it all works out), so we will move in mid-late February.

Financially, this is huge.  Our rent will go from $1325/month to $875/month and Dav's share of the house includes all utilities, including internet and basic cable (which is more than what we have now... we currently use free wireless where we can find it).  This is a savings of almost $600/month for us.  The house is about the same size as our townhouse, but all one floor.  It's a single family house with a small backyard (yes we can garden!) and since Dav's lived there for two years already, there are no huge quirky surprises you sometimes get with a new house.  It's in a better location for living (walking distance to a grocery store and some retail areas), though about two miles further from my work.  Even better--most of the furniture in the house belonged to the departing couple, so Dav needs furniture anyway!

On a personal front, I know Dav well and know he's an easy guy to live with and he knows me (he even reads this blog--hey, Dav!) so he knows our situation well.  It's actually a big win for both of us as he finishes school to try for a promotion and we continue to adjust to life in America.  Min Gi is excited to have someone else to practice English with and go drinking with sometimes.

People who are not us (like my parents and some of my friends) think we are crazy.  It's funny actually.  They think we cannot possibly "sacrifice privacy" as a young couple or live in a small space together, but we know this is the right choice for us.  If you're going to get ahead in America, you really can't play by usual American rules.  We have already eschewed many of the consumerist trappings of shopping as a hobby that is typical here.  Now, it's time for bigger changes.  Dave Ramsey likes to say "Live like no one else so later you can live like no one else," and I think this is what he meant.  It's about making unusual cost-saving, counter-cultural choices in the short term so that you are not forever shackled to debt like typical American consumers.

So... I don't think I'll make much progress on the get out of debt goal in January or February with the early moving penalty fee and truck rental costs.  But I would consider this huge decision to be a first step towards meeting my ambitious financial goal in the Project 30.

It's exciting for us.  As Min Gi said, "Moving to a new place is like an adventure!"  Onward and forward...