Reflections on my first Writing Retreat

This past weekend, I went on my first Writing Retreat to Davis, WV. It's a bit tricky to leave all my responsibilities for a few days, but it seemed like the perfect way to kick-start my sabbatical. The retreat was organized by the (former--she recently took a new job) program coordinator of my doctoral program. Most of the other people who came with us were in my cohort/year, but there were a couple from the year before/after. We went to Davis, WV--one of my favorite places in the world (I used to vacation there as a child). And one of the most beautiful.

The view from the deck of our mountain cabin.

The organizer planned out the very delicious and tasty meals (accommodating both vegetarians and keto diets), set up the quiet hour rules each full day of the retreat, and coordinated all the travel details. We all socialized in the mornings and evenings. I drove out with a member of my writing group, so we were able to chat about our research and our writing goals for the weekend on the drive. I had an (ambitious) goal to finish the draft of my dissertation proposal to the point that I could turn it in to my chair on Monday. I spent Saturday revising Chapter Two (the literature review), incorporating articles or deciding they were not relevant to my argument, and thinking through the details of my study design.

Sunday morning hike in Blackwater Falls State Park

Sunday, after an early morning hike (thanks to daylight savings time!), I dug into finishing the details of Chapter Three (research design and methodology). I must admit that I love writing about the research design as much as I detest completing the literature review, so the experience on Sunday was much more enjoyable! I even took a nice long nap in the middle of quiet hours, having exhausted myself on the hike.

Pase Point--such a beautiful view!

I managed to finish enough that I felt I could turn my draft into my advisor. In the evening, we played a very fun and silly game of "Heads Up" with someone's mobile phone and just enjoyed talking about everything. Overall, it was a great experience. I deepened some existing relationships and made some new friends. I wrote and ate and slept and enjoyed nature. I cannot wait to do another retreat in the Spring!

Blackwater Falls--see the rainbow?

 Once I got back home Monday morning, I did a final read on my proposal draft and sent it to my chair. It felt great!

Flashback Travel: Overnight Sailing Trip to Rock Hall, MD

  Sunset on the Chesapeake Bay.

 In August 2010, when I first came to America from Korea, Dad was eager to show off his newly acquired sailboat.  My brother Brian and I served as his crew on an overnight trip across the Chesapeake Bay to Rock Hall, MD. 

She's a beautiful 32-foot delight.  We are docking her in Rock Hall, MD.

Crab pots in Rock Hall, MD.

Cormorants.  Can you tell from the poop stains that this is a regular hangout for them?

The trip was a great success.  We had some bonding time and some peace.  Except that August has crap for wind in this area, but we didn't really mind.  Check out the full album below:

Dad's Boat--Rock Hall Trip

Project 30: Cutting housing costs or We're moving!

When making plans to move back to America, my parents very generously offered to let us live with them for as long as needed to get on our feet.  Without that support, moving back to the U.S. at this time would have been possible, but extremely difficult and much more expensive.  However, both of my adult younger siblings still live at home, so space is pinched.  Also, some unforeseen setbacks on the parents' basement renovations meant that the room where we were supposed to stay was not ready.  So for my first month back, I was without my husband, without a job, sleeping on a pull-out sofa in a high-traffic part of my parents' very packed and full home.  Talk about stress:  Looking back, it's a miracle there was no murder!

Luckily, my parents, siblings, and I have all grown up enough in our relationships that we not only survived this period, we actually had some fun.  Min Gi and I considered staying there longer to save up some more funds before moving out even after I got a job.  It might have been worth the temporary stress to be able to be on steadier financial ground.

Then I got a job offer about 60 miles one-way (80 minutes with no traffic around the heavy-traffic DC beltway away).  The decision to move out made by the fact that I was unwilling to endure this commute.  This gave us a week to find a house and move before my job began.  Not much time to find the most economic options.

In my investigation of the area, the difference between a live-able 1 bedroom apartment and a 2-bedroom townhouse was about $200/month.  So we went with the townhouse, although the rent was an uncomfortable 30% of my gross income (I hadn't gotten a paycheck yet...there was the mistake).  I figured we could swing it for a few months on just my salary and then Min Gi would find a job and we'd be fine.  We moved in, set up house, and were happy and optimistic about life.

When the paychecks began to come, the sticker shock for couples medical insurance premiums, teacher union fees, mandatory pension contributions, and taxes was overwhelming.  Furthermore, teacher salary is complicated by the fact that we are 10-month employees.  In my district, we have the option of spreading that to 12-month pay (which I took for my first year until we could put our own plan in place to save), but the way my district balances pay is that they don't take into account that the only deductions that will come out in the summer is taxes--so my pay is disproportionately smaller during the school year.

Although rent at the townhouse was 30% of my gross, it was a completely unacceptable 60% of my take-home.  Then, there were utilities.  Sure, we could survive on that (with no fun budget at all), but I want to pay off my debt, save for growing our family and emergencies, fully fund our retirement, and save for my husband's future business.  We didn't even have the wiggle room in the budget to save up for a plane ticket for Min Gi to visit his family in 2011!  I started to get stressed.  Again.  Stress like this is bad.

Back in November, when we realized this wouldn't work, and that just moving to a smaller apartment wouldn't solve the problem since it wouldn't make a big enough impact on our overall housing costs, we talked and decided we could handle a roommate.  We sent out feelers to our friends in the area if any young person was looking for a room in the area so that we could move them into the extra bedroom and split some costs.  No dice.  We posted an ad on craigslist and got a few responses, but the cats were a dealbreaker for many people.  I started to lose hope of getting relief for this situation.

Then, a friend of mine from theater, Dav (that's like Dave, but without the "e"), who lives in the same city as we do with a married couple in a small house, sent out an e-mail that his roommates had gotten jobs in Kansas and were moving out, but that he didn't want to leave the house and so was looking for new roommates.  Min Gi and I met with him last night to check out the space (and then we all went out to a nice Mexican restaurant to chat) and decided we're going to take it.  Our current lease requires 60 days notice and a fee (which is less than the discount we got on the rent when we initially moved in for being such awesome potential tenants, so it all works out), so we will move in mid-late February.

Financially, this is huge.  Our rent will go from $1325/month to $875/month and Dav's share of the house includes all utilities, including internet and basic cable (which is more than what we have now... we currently use free wireless where we can find it).  This is a savings of almost $600/month for us.  The house is about the same size as our townhouse, but all one floor.  It's a single family house with a small backyard (yes we can garden!) and since Dav's lived there for two years already, there are no huge quirky surprises you sometimes get with a new house.  It's in a better location for living (walking distance to a grocery store and some retail areas), though about two miles further from my work.  Even better--most of the furniture in the house belonged to the departing couple, so Dav needs furniture anyway!

On a personal front, I know Dav well and know he's an easy guy to live with and he knows me (he even reads this blog--hey, Dav!) so he knows our situation well.  It's actually a big win for both of us as he finishes school to try for a promotion and we continue to adjust to life in America.  Min Gi is excited to have someone else to practice English with and go drinking with sometimes.

People who are not us (like my parents and some of my friends) think we are crazy.  It's funny actually.  They think we cannot possibly "sacrifice privacy" as a young couple or live in a small space together, but we know this is the right choice for us.  If you're going to get ahead in America, you really can't play by usual American rules.  We have already eschewed many of the consumerist trappings of shopping as a hobby that is typical here.  Now, it's time for bigger changes.  Dave Ramsey likes to say "Live like no one else so later you can live like no one else," and I think this is what he meant.  It's about making unusual cost-saving, counter-cultural choices in the short term so that you are not forever shackled to debt like typical American consumers.

So... I don't think I'll make much progress on the get out of debt goal in January or February with the early moving penalty fee and truck rental costs.  But I would consider this huge decision to be a first step towards meeting my ambitious financial goal in the Project 30.

It's exciting for us.  As Min Gi said, "Moving to a new place is like an adventure!"  Onward and forward...

Current Status:

Employed.  Full time.  Teaching English.

More information to follow.  After Min Gi arrives tomorrow.

Unemployed Teacher

In the DC area, tomorrow marks the first day of school for many districts, including Prince George's County, my old haunt. As you know, I've been looking for work in the US since way back in February. It's been a frustrating, humiliating, desperation-making, humorous, and slow experience. The end result of it all is that I have now joined the ranks of the US unemployed. Not that I'd even be counted in the statistics, since the job I left was in Korea (and I left it voluntarily), so I don't qualify for benefits. Plus, I do have part-time work as an editor. But my career? The one for which I hold the highest certification the State of Maryland can bestow? The one that would give me health insurance and enough money to support me, my immigrant husband, and his mother back in Korea and allow us to consider starting a family? Yeah... I guess that's "on hold" for now.

Way back in college, I made the decision to become a teacher for several reasons.  First was that I love literature and writing and want to share this joy with as many people as possible.  Up there as a major secondary reason, though, was a virtual guarantee of a livable salary and work available just about anywhere in the world I wanted to go.  I didn't ever want to end up where I am now, unemployed, living in my parents' house, so rather than pursue some other more "unstable" lines of work, like freelance writing, acting, or publishing, I became a teacher.  After all, year after year in America they were practically begging bums on the street to fill their classrooms.  Fellow teachers and I regularly joked about how they almost preferred "warm bodies" to competent people because of the ridiculous hoops you have to jump through for certifications and the like. I figured teaching would always be "safe" from an employment perspective.

Here I am, six solid years of experience and a Master's degree later, unable to get a job.  I am an unemployed teacher.

My plan from back in Korea was that if I couldn't find a job, I would just substitute teach for a bit and get my name known around at a few schools so that when an opening did come up, I could slide in, no problem. Well, even that plan is blown. Montgomery and PG have no subbing openings. And I don't really have a car (I borrow family members' cars), so I can't commute many other places--not for subbing (I'd figure it out if I was offered a permanent position).

My backup plan--to change careers into public relations, editing, or writing--is moving slowly because as few contacts as I have in education here, I have even fewer in those areas (although, as I said, I do have a part-time, freelance editing gig that's helping keep me sane).  I have one very exciting, very promising lead, but it's moving at a snail's pace.

I'm lucky.  I have a family that can support my basic needs while I try to figure out a way to become independent again.  It's not ideal, but I have a place to sleep and food to eat and transportation most days.  Mom has offered to help out with health insurance if it looks like the unemployment will last for awhile, and it looks like I will have to take her up on that offer, though I really, really don't want to (um... point of moving back to US being to HELP my parents, not be a burden on them).  And I am truly grateful to them for their help and support.  I'm trying to pay them back in ways I can--cooking dinner for everyone (maybe even saving them money by doing so), helping out with the remodeling projects around the house, organizing and minimizing the stuff I put in storage before I left for Korea--but my number one priority is becoming independent of their care again.  It's ridiculous that a married career woman should be this dependent on her parents.

It's hard on me.  I'm a planner, but with no idea of what the future looks like, it's nigh impossible to actually make plans.  I have two dependents, Min Gi and his mom back in Korea.  We have a plan figured out for the financial support of his mom, but he and I are moving back to dependency--which also means we're putting our plans to start a family on hold (bad idea to get pregnant with no health insurance, no job, and no house).  This is depressing.

I'm staying positive.  I'm trying to enjoy my unemployment time by reading more, experimenting in the kitchen, and staying active.  I've taken on a number of self-improvement projects, which I will be blogging about as I go through them.  I'm considering just making the leap into self-employment, but unfortunately my health situation (unless we figure something out there) makes that an untenable plan for the long-term (stupid America's stupid lack of appropriate, affordable health care).  I just have to learn patience.  Patience is not a strength of mine.  But this whole experience is schooling me in it.

Wednesday Review--We Married Koreans: Personal Stories of American Women with Korean Husbands

I know I haven't done a book review in a long time; rest assured that it is not because I have gone the last few months without reading. Quite the contrary. In the last few months, I've been in a mad reading frenzy in an attempt to rid myself of all the books I had accumulated in Korea that I did not wish to bring back with me to the U.S. Fortunately, I discovered Bookmooch and an English used book cafe called Buy the Book (Downtown Daegu, above the Mr. Pizza on the main street with Communes and Billibow and the like), so all of my books went to loving homes.

One of the books I did want to keep with me, however, was We Married Koreans, a collection of 12 true stories of interracial, intercultural marriages between American women and Korean men in the 1960s. The collection is edited by Gloria Goodwin Hurh, whose own story appears in Chapter 5.

If you have any interest in American or Korean cultures during the last 50 years or in intercultural marriages in general, you should read this book. Do not be put off by the fact that it is self-published and therefore contains some errors in grammar and usage that (hopefully) would have been caught by a professional editor or that the women are not professional writers. It tells a fascinating history, both personal and cultural, of Korea as it struggled towards democracy (one woman's husband was imprisoned for anti-government demonstrations in Korea) and America as it struggled towards racial equality (many of the women speak frankly about some of the racial epithets hurled at their children). The couples mostly met, married, and lived in America, but most lived for at least a short time in Korea and one missionary couple spent most of their marriage in the Korean expat community in Brazil. I feel like I just sat down and read 12 very good personal blogs about Korea.

Each woman speaks positively of marriage and praises intercultural marriage, despite the challenges they have faced. None of them have divorced and most stories are accompanied by a picture of the couple from within the last five years, graying and wrinkled, but still together. I was particularly moved by the stories of Faye Moon, Dixie Whong, and Sharon Shin, but I got something new and interesting from each story. Many of the women were Christian missionaries or united to their husband by a strong faith, which did not speak to me as much as it might have to someone from their era, but I still enjoyed reading the book very much.

I can only hope that Min Gi and I will be as happy together in our future as these couples seem to be.

First Five Days in America

Wowee...  America is just overwhelming.  On my last day in Korea, Min Gi and I went to the Dongdaegu bus station at 3 a.m. to catch the bus with two cats, two huge bags, and my carry on oversize "purse."  On the five hour ride to Incheon, the kitties mewled the whole time, I'm sure to the chagrin of nearby passengers.  At the airport, we had to take them through Incheon's "quarantine" check station and then check Princess into the baggage compartment, while Saja got to accompany me in the cabin under the seat in front of me.  I said goodbye to my husband just outside the security gate.  The kitties and I made it on the 13.5 hour plane ride in a daze.  My love for Korean Air is vast and bottomless.

Mom and Brian picked me up from the airport.  They proceeded to talk about babies for the next hour.  Mom claims that she only wants to talk about Brian's friend Elizabeth's baby, and that she won't pressure me at all for five years.  She keeps reminding me how she's not pressuring me...  Like every few minutes the first couple days, now more like once every few hours.

The rest of this first day is a little blurry.  I ate pizza and burritos and unpacked in the temporary room with the fold out couch (the basement is unfinished) and played with the shell-shocked cats in the basement and slept at odd hours.

Friday, my first full day in America, took me to an Ethiopian food cafe in Gaithersburg where I met Anne's family for a delightful lunch.  Then Anne and I hung out in the afternoon, doing some shopping and walking around a park, lamenting the absence of young children on the perfectly beautiful summer day.  Why don't kids play outside anymore?  What happened to that?

Then, her friend called to cancel, giving me the chance to attend my first EVER professional football game in America--the pre-season game between the Washington Redskins and the Buffalo Bills!  It was overwhelming (especially understanding everything that the other fans were saying all around me) and exciting (especially watching dancing girls--I mean "cheerleaders"--with actual booties to shake).  The Redskins were winning so overwhelmingly that, by the end of the third quarter, we decided to escape to beat a bit of the traffic.  I forgot how into football Americans are.  It was fun to walk through the "tailgaters"--people who showed up hours before the game to park in the lot and have cookouts out of the back of their vehicles, and to see the painted-up, jersey-wearing hardcore fans.  The whole thing reminded me of World Cup in Korea, but more intense because we were actually in the stadium.

Sadly, because I didn't know we were going to do anything super cool and because my brain was (and still kind of is) total mush, I forgot my camera.

Saturday, I was lazy and tired and our internet blew out.  I hung around the house.  Helped Elizabeth's husband, Mike, to mud (fill in the cracks with putty) the dry wall in the room in the basement where Min Gi and I will live temporarily (when it's finished).  Cooked dinner (corn on the cob, mac 'n cheese, bread, fruit salad).  Just tired and lazy and super jet lagged.

Sunday, I was still exhausted, but I was supposed to go to the fair with Anne and Sam.  This did not happen. But I did kidnap Sam from Baltimore in the afternoon and then cooked pizza for everyone at home (including Mike and Elizabeth) and then had a complete breakdown after dropping Sam off at home because when I got back to the house (8:30 pm), I was dead tired, operating on patchy and limited sleep, dealing with the fact that our guests were sitting just outside my "bedroom" so I couldn't go to bed (and all the other beds were currently occupied), and I hadn't talked to Min Gi in two days because of the internet problems.  I just sort of fell apart and started crying and felt really bad and embarrassed about the whole thing.  Jet lag is very evil.

This morning, I've had nearly a full 8 hours (first time in days), took a long walk/jog (I have got to remember how much better I feel after exercise), met a new man in our neighborhood who complimented me on my appearance post-workout (haha), and have internet on my very own computer (so I FINALLY know that Lauren won SYTYCD Season 7).  Finally, things are looking up.

Now... if only I can get hired!

Place your bets here...

Well... I'm starting to think that my reverse culture shock (yes, this actually happens when people re-integrate into their home culture) is going to be pretty bad. Why?

I keep thinking stuff like:

"Korea and America aren't that different. When I was home on vacation last summer it was all basically the same."

"I can get by without a car. Did without a car for three years here. No problem!"

"America's boring. Nothing new or surprising."

"Korean kids and American kids are pretty much the same. I'll be fine in an inner city Title One school (or conversely, a high pressure academic IB or AP filled school). No sweat."

"I can keep up my hiking very easily in America!" (especially funny in combination with my second thought)

"I'm sure I can save a lot of money. It can't cost THAT much to live in the U.S. There've got to be non roach-infested apartments in the greater DC area for less than $1200/month, right?"

At least these are the thoughts I can CATCH myself making that I know are blatantly false. I probably have hundreds of other thoughts setting me up for major reverse culture shock that I'm not even aware of how wrong they are.

Fact is, I've lived here three years and adapted to life pretty damn well. I'm dandy with the ketchup and mustard in bag-like "bottles." With the sharp, metal chopsticks for salad (heck--it's EASIER now than using a fork). With only understanding about 50% of what's going on around me (and then only if I choose to listen to it... it's easier to tune out here). With kids staring and pointing and shouting "hi" without there being something freakishly wrong with my appearance. With the smell of kimchi and food trash in the summer. With being taller and bigger than the majority of women and about 60% of men. With concrete block apartments where you can smell your neighbor's cooking. With people drying their clothes and linens and red peppers on the rooftops. With exercise parks at the tops of mountains. With assigned theater movie seating. With parking people in and leaving a cell phone contact number on your car. With calling cell phones "hand phones." With the limited selection of Western groceries. With super-futuristic interior design and lots of high-tech gadgetry. With "maybe" meaning "probably," and "I think you should..." from your boss as an order. With the different logic of the traffic. With people bumping into you and the lack of personal space. With casual nudity in shower rooms. With OTC drugs not sold at convenience stores and snacks/hygiene products not sold at pharmacies.

At some point all of these things were annoyances or surprises. I don't even think about them these days (I mean, I did just now... for this post... but well, you know what I mean). There are other things I'm sure I'm so used to at this point I've probably forgotten that they're different.

I know (KNOW) that I'm going to have to work really hard not to always say "Well in Korea they BLAH BLAH BLAH," more than 3-4 times a day. It's ok for Min Gi to say it--he's from Korea--but my co-workers, friends, family members, and students are going to get mighty sick of it pretty darn fast.

So, blog readers, I guess what I'm saying is that returning to America's going to be a pretty big adventure, too, now that I'm three years out. I don't know who this Justin Bieber character is and care more (right now) about the sinking of the Cheonan and nuclear threats from the North than the protesting of BP or the "tea party" nonsense. It's going to be a little rough...

Now's the time to place your bets on how long it will take me to have my first major culture shock meltdown in America... Get while the getting is good! (My bet would be that it's a good month or two before my husband has any signs of culture shock... haha.)