Budget Buster: Feelings of Inadequacy

 Originally Posted on April 26, 2018 in Free Fun Family

I’ve been doing some work on the feelings behind my impulsive spending this month.  Instead of judging myself when I slip up on my plan, I’m noticing why I spent money on something I didn’t need to spend on, how much, and how I feel about it.  I have identified a major trigger for me: feeling inadequate.

For example, I mentioned that I got a promotion recently. While I’ve trained for it and feel good about the position and am enjoying my new responsibilities, a big part of me worries that I’m not up to the task.  I am working on this feeling since all evidence is that I’m doing well in my new position and my boss and co-workers are happy with my work, but I frequently question my abilities.

This week was a big meeting of a committee essential to the partnership two institutions I work with, and I was presenting some work I’d done.  I felt nervous.  So in the last week I’ve treated myself to more fast food than I had in the last two months–to the tune of around $60.  Despite having plenty of already-prepped, healthy, delicious meals.  I felt out of control and reckless.  However, with the meeting successfully completed, I am noticing in reflection that it was an exaggerated sense of nerves surrounding my performance at the meeting.

If I really dig in, though, this performance-anxiety spending is a major trigger for me.  I worry I’m not a good enough mom, so I buy something for the kids.  I worry I’m not a good enough wife, so I buy something expensive for my husband (or say yes to something not in our budget).  I bought a lot of “grown up” clothes and shoes after accepting this promotion that I really (in retrospect) didn’t need.

I need to find a way to sit with the feelings of inadequacy long enough for the urge to spend money to pass.  I have noticed that my fitness class progress has been building my confidence, so perhaps that can be a way to combat.  I will commit to doing something physical (a walk, a dance with kids, a fitness class or workout) before spending on myself.  I think that might help me stave off the urge long enough to reconnect with my values and confidence.  Certainly it will be healthier than not doing so, even if I still end up getting the latte or french fries.