Accepting My Imperfect Self

Originally Posted on April 13, 2018 to Free, Fun, Family

I am not good about keeping my car clean, but I’m working on it consciously.  This morning, after I pulled into the parking garage at work, I decided to get rid of some trash I’d allowed to accumulate in my car and finally bring the second half of the Costco box of Keurig coffees I’d bought to use in the office inside so I can give the cardboard to J for his projects.  I gathered up some gross, discarded tissues from the cold I’ve been fighting all week and the empty water bottle, packed the Keurigs into my lunch bag, and took the trash to the trashcan.  When I went back to get my purse (and phone and work ID and wallet…) I had locked my keys in my car.

Don't want to pass along my own insecurities to my children!

This is not the first time I’ve done this.  However, in the past, when I’ve made such a stupid mistake, especially one I will have to enlist the help of others to correct, I’ve beaten myself up more (a lot more) than just the “Well, that’s annoying,” response I had this morning.  I would be embarrassed that my car was so trashy, I’d had to work at cleaning it before going to work, that I didn’t think to grab my keys or purse before shutting the door, and especially that I had also locked the spare keys in the car (they fell under the seat) because I’d already locked my keys in the car earlier this week and hadn’t bothered to return the spare keys to the place we keep them for this kind of Diana-mistake.  However, I know that it’s important to forgive myself.

I’m still a touch embarrassed (even typing this all out and posting it has me a bit flushed), but I took care of it (thank you, Grandma, for your compulsive AAA-getting for your children), and in the grand scheme of the world, it’s not a big deal.  It was even a beautiful day outside, and I squeezed in extra exercise running back and forth a few times between my office and the parking garage.  I practiced deep breathing and focused on the positive as I returned to work.

I’ve discovered a weird paradox about accomplishing goals and improving habits to improve my life: Self acceptance is critical to achieving self improvement goals.

With self-improvement, you are attempting to improve yourself because there is something about yourself you want to change.  However, I’ve learned the hard way that until you accept yourself as you are now, the cycle of beating yourself up will prevent any real change.

I did NOT beat myself up about being stupid for locking my keys in my car…  so then I did not justify buying myself an unhealthy lunch out to cope with my stress… so then I did not justify changing my afternoon plans to walk outside and write to join friends at happy hour because I’d had a stressful day… etc. etc.

I am still working on this.  Some days I backslide, but it doesn’t help to beat myself up about a poor spending (or eating) choice.  I take a deep breath, focus on the positive, accept my flaws, and work on making better choices in the future.