Originally Posted on
My son has become very interested in money lately. Part of it is that he’s learning coins in school (and applying his “count by 5s” skills to nickels). However, I also remember having a fascination with coins and money and saving/earning when I was young that led me to an interest in personal finance now that I’m grown. Many young people are natural entrepreneurs, and I like to encourage his interests, but money is a challenging topic for parents. Especially if, like me, you are still learning yourself!
I’ve read some books and articles that address how/when to do allowances with kids. Mostly there are two themes: 1) Pay kids for chores or 2) Pay an allowance as a member of the family. There are lots of arguments about why one pay structure is superior to the other for teaching the value of money and compensation for work. Some systems actually suggest both (standard pay and then extra for contributions above and beyond).
Trouble is, I’ve never been one for elaborate systems. We never did sticker charts for potty training. As a teacher, I found discipline/reward systems too distracting and complex to make work for me in the classroom. I come from a family of origin where chore lists were made and then promptly ignored. I don’t want to set up my own children with some system, and then have to change all the rules on them because I forgot what I was doing or how to keep it up.
What to do? The system I’m using with J rose organically out of a conversation we had over his homework.
J: Mommy, will you pay me money?
Me: What will you do to earn the money?
J: I don’t know. What can I do?
Me: Well, what do you want to use the money for?
J: I think I want to save the money. [a pause] And help you pay your debt.
Me: [smiling–they hear everything, don’t they?] Paying off the debt is our responsibility–your father’s and mine. You don’t have to worry about that. But saving is a good idea. You have a savings account at the bank.
J: I do?
Me: Yes. When you were little, sometimes friends and family gave money for you to save. For college and other things you might need when you grow up. Do you want to earn money to save for those things?
J: That’s good.
Me: What are your responsibilities?
J: [thinking] Helping my family. Being nice to my sister.
Me: What about school?
J: My homework and cleaning my lunchbox.
Me: And Appa [Korean for Dad] likes you to practice your piano every day.
J: Yes.
Me: How about we try this: If you meet your responsibilities without Appa and I nagging you or asking you to do them lots of times, you can earn money?
We came up with a list. J can earn a quarter each for:
- Completing all his homework independently, with sincere effort.
- The “10-minute clean-up” (We set a timer for 10 minutes and he organizes/cleans for that time, starting in common areas and finishing in his bedroom).
- Practicing piano for 15 minutes.
The results so far have been pretty great. I have to fight with him less to get started on the homework, the house is cleaner because he takes the job more seriously with the timer and money on the line, and he’s progressing in piano. I like money as a reward more than screen time, since he doesn’t really want to do much more than count and collect it at the moment. Plus he’s been trying to think of other ways to be responsible that could earn him money. (Proposed: Pay me to eat my vegetables? Rejected. Proposed: Pay me to put away all my clean clothes? Considered–but you would have to also match all the socks and hang up the school uniform pieces. Proposed: Pay me to help shovel snow? Accepted, etc.) He’s earned about $4 a week since we started a few weeks ago. That’s in line with the approximate recommendations for $1/year of age/week.
Some people are concerned that children who are paid for meeting their obligations won’t value the obligations they have if they are not paid. That’s fair, but would you keep working at your job if they stopped paying you? I see that concern, but I also believe you have to know your kid. J is rules and order oriented. He likes structure, clarity, and fairness. He understands that he has to do his chores anyway; this helps him connect family responsibilities to privileges.
No comments:
Post a Comment