Bridal-ed.

Korean wedding halls are sweetly scented, elegantly decorated, completely impersonal bridal factories. You're lucky if you can get through the whole ceremony and requisite pictures without half your friends and family abandoning you for the already overcrowded (usually mediocre) buffet. Or without the next lovely bride's party shoving you out the door because they're on the schedule for 2 o'clock. (Your ceremony was set for 1, but didn't actually start until 1:36 because you were patiently waiting for Mr. and Mrs. 12 o'clock to take 3,000 photos with all their college buddies... Of course your stylist spent the whole time freaking out over all the possible disasters that could befall your rented dress or poufed-up hair with two perfectly curled tendrils down the sides of your cheeks.)

I went to a co-worker's wedding last weekend. The highlights were:

The lily flower arrangements (which were part of the hall's decor) and...

the bride (because I know her). Notice the ridiculous size of the dress and crowd around it. Also note her stylist crouched on the floor, arranging the train as she walks.

This place scared the bejesus out of me. To understand, read William's less biased recounting of the events of the day. It was a very typical Korean wedding.

So many people in my life right now are planning weddings. I would say "getting married," but it's not the joining of husband and wife idea that's been nibbling away at my sanity these days. You see, getting married is something I absolutely know that I want to do one day.

However, planning a wedding is something I'd rather avoid. At all costs. Seriously, at this point I might just fork over a wad of cash to AVOID having a wedding. It seems like such a hassle. Even the most normal, non-bridezilla types, such as Amanda, are struggling to make all of the details fall into place for their "special day." It's a nightmare (sometimes literally).

Trouble is, I love my friends and family. And I know most of them would want to see me have a wedding. Or at least see the pictures from one. And maybe one day my and future-husband's children might think it's sweet to look at the old photos of their folks all dolled up saying pretty promises to each other in front of some folks they care about. Come to think of it, that doesn't sound half bad to me.

It's just the whole disgusting INDUSTRY of it. It may actually be worse in America where people pretend their wedding isn't just like everyone else's who read Modern Bride's most unique wedding ideas article.

So here's the plan, folks. I'm not going to have a "wedding." I'm going to have a camping trip to a public beach. With a little vow-exchanging ceremony in the water so we'll have something to take pictures of for posterity. You're welcome to come if you'd like. We'll get drunk and dance after the ceremony. No present required, just pitch in for the booze. It's like a wedding MT! Now there's something Korea isn't likely to see again...

(Sadly, you think I'm kidding about this.)