My mother-in-law is visiting from Korea for a month. I love her so much, anxiety-ridden rants about my questionable parenting skills and all. She raised the child who became my husband. She did so while suffering in ways that I, as an American woman in a later generation, cannot possibly imagine. She did so with one of the biggest hearts I have ever known.
May 13, 2012
This is the first mother's day that I celebrate not just as your daughter, but as Jeongmin's mother. Your support in these last few months as I've taken on my new role has been unbelievable. It's not even what you have given my son since his birth, for which I cannot ever hope to thank you enough--I always knew that you would spoil any of my children rotten with your love and your generosity.
What has surprised me is how thoughtful and sensitive you have been in supporting me over these last few months. I feel a closeness with you that I have longed for my whole adult life and never quite achieved. Who knew that my moving back home and having a baby would bring that?
Perhaps it is the new-found empathy that I have for your position as a mother. Wandering through the trail of stuff left behind as the caring of a child takes me away from organizational and cleaning tasks midstream, trying desperately to put things back in place, knowing that the river of chaos will never quite be dammed--but loving that mess and even loving the act of cleaning it on the fly is a new experience. I get it now. Understand those parts of you that always seems scattered and frazzled and just plain silly. It's a visceral understanding that reading all of your books never really quite got me there, though it's how I've always tried to connect before. The parts of you that are mother--those most relevant to me and to our relationship--have ironically remained evasive to me so firmly stuck in the role of daughter. In my new role, our relationship is changed. And it is beautiful.
Thank you. I love you.
I'm not really one for holidays, but everyone seems to be talking about mother's day. It is my first mother's day as a mother. Last year I was pregnant, but it's not the same. This ride is pretty wild, but I love it.
To all the moms out there, especially the new ones, have a great day!