Saturday, January 22, 2011

Project 30: Necessary Preparations...

It's funny, but sometimes I set goals and go at it, only to fail because I'm treating the symptoms, not the cause.

Like I explained with the housing costs, I couldn't possibly make my get-out-of-debt financial goal living in a house that eats up 50% of my take home.  I'm moving (date set for February), but it will cost some penalty up front for ditching my lease early (which will be made up in less than 3 months in the savings difference).  Taking that financial hit hurts when I want to pay off debt, but it will make the paying off debt at a rapid rate POSSIBLE, so I still think it is a good move.

Similarly, I've been through a real, honest psychological journey with myself about my health obstacles over the last few weeks.  Talking with the people closest to me (Min Gi and mom) as well as some good friends who are willing to hold up that hard mirror to your own denial (thanks, Amanda!), I've finally acknowledged that what I'm experiencing is not simply reverse culture shock, but an actual period of depression.  I've been through this before, so I know how to seek the help that I need in order to pull myself out of the spiraling head game that is depression and realized the sources of it.

Unfortunately, both of the external sources cannot be blogged about at this time (one because it relates to my current job situation and the other I can tell you only in the vaguest terms--and not at this time because even that relates to the job situation in a way).  I miss Korea where blogging about your job would almost certainly not get you fired.  Haha!  Just know that I have identified the sources and am dealing with each head on.  With the help of light therapy, exercise, and my doctor, I've been buoyed up enough to do something about each of them.  Taking action is a great adversary of depression.  It's empowering and healthy.

So... have I made measurable progress on my weight loss goals?  Not really.  But I'm finally back in a place where I can think about it as a priority in my life again.  I'm even enjoying cooking and exercise again (I should have known it was depression when I no longer enjoyed cooking and other hobbies I love).

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Coming Full Circle...

Last night, Min Gi and I went to the annual New Year's Eve party hosted by my high school friends.  We both had a wonderful time.  This week has also brought many opportunities to catch up with friends I haven't seen for four years (they were visiting their families for the holidays).  Min Gi got to meet (and impress) the people who have been close to me during the hell that was high school.  Seeing them has given me a huge boost of joy at life in America.  I always knew that the hardest part of living in Korea was being away from friends and family, but I really needed the reminder of how many soul-fulfilling relationships I still have back here.

However, it also made me see how I really have moved into a new place.  As I move into my 30th year of life (Korean age 31... haha) and the start of my second year of marriage, I see that my story has moved into a new chapter--one that is no longer about just me and defining myself, but about my family.  And that family is Min Gi and I.  Home is not a place--home is now a person.  And that's lovely.


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