How did it get to be the end of 2011 already? And how is it that the most important event of my 2011 (in case you can't figure that one out, it's the birth of my first child sometime in the next month or so) has not even happened yet?
I'm feeling very transitional these days, and I'm becoming more comfortable with it. I usually like to have a set plan for the next six months, year, and five years mapped out. I've always remained flexible with these plans, allowing them to change as new life stuff comes up, but I feel a lot more comfortable when I know where I'm going next.
However, I've come to terms over the last three months that I cannot possibly predict what my life will be like after the birth of my son. (Three months ago, with hormones raging, I was utterly despondent over the loss of control becoming a parent represented. Although I chose not to blog about my misery, rest assured there was much fighting with Min Gi and fear of insanity...). I can imagine and hope and daydream about the kind of parent I'd like to be, but if I'm honest with myself, I cannot possibly know what my priorities will be after our family grows by 50 percent, other than to assume that my child will be in my top five, likely vying for the top two, along with my marriage.
This makes things like planning a career path, health and financial goals, travel adventures, or writing projects somewhat up in the air. I'm guessing these things will still be very important to me, but the way I approach them and the shapes they take may alter dramatically. And that's ok.
Today, at 36 weeks and change, I had another ultrasound to determine the position of the baby (he's head down, which is grand) and the approximate size of the beast at the moment (around 6lbs 5oz, though my doctor cautions that 3rd trimester scans are not very accurate and it could be a pound up or down from there). All is healthy and well. On Friday, he will officially be "term" meaning that they won't try to stop labor if it starts, although we're still hoping he goes to 39+ weeks, since that's best for his development.
I'm about ready to have my body back to myself, although it will ironically signal a much more profound movement away from independence than pregnancy. I'll let you know how that goes.