Saturday, January 22, 2011

Project 30: Necessary Preparations...

It's funny, but sometimes I set goals and go at it, only to fail because I'm treating the symptoms, not the cause.

Like I explained with the housing costs, I couldn't possibly make my get-out-of-debt financial goal living in a house that eats up 50% of my take home.  I'm moving (date set for February), but it will cost some penalty up front for ditching my lease early (which will be made up in less than 3 months in the savings difference).  Taking that financial hit hurts when I want to pay off debt, but it will make the paying off debt at a rapid rate POSSIBLE, so I still think it is a good move.

Similarly, I've been through a real, honest psychological journey with myself about my health obstacles over the last few weeks.  Talking with the people closest to me (Min Gi and mom) as well as some good friends who are willing to hold up that hard mirror to your own denial (thanks, Amanda!), I've finally acknowledged that what I'm experiencing is not simply reverse culture shock, but an actual period of depression.  I've been through this before, so I know how to seek the help that I need in order to pull myself out of the spiraling head game that is depression and realized the sources of it.

Unfortunately, both of the external sources cannot be blogged about at this time (one because it relates to my current job situation and the other I can tell you only in the vaguest terms--and not at this time because even that relates to the job situation in a way).  I miss Korea where blogging about your job would almost certainly not get you fired.  Haha!  Just know that I have identified the sources and am dealing with each head on.  With the help of light therapy, exercise, and my doctor, I've been buoyed up enough to do something about each of them.  Taking action is a great adversary of depression.  It's empowering and healthy.

So... have I made measurable progress on my weight loss goals?  Not really.  But I'm finally back in a place where I can think about it as a priority in my life again.  I'm even enjoying cooking and exercise again (I should have known it was depression when I no longer enjoyed cooking and other hobbies I love).

1 comment:

  1. I quite enjoyed your blog when you were still in Korea and posting about your Korean life, but I have to say that I enjoy it very much even now, that you are writing about your readjustment to the US. I am facing some very similar problems and situations like you (trying to come out of university debts, considering moving to a smaller place because housign and insurance eats up most of my salary so I am not able to pay back my debts, my boyfriend (korean!) not speaking the local language and having to find a part-time job anyway because my salary is not enough, etc....). I like your project 30 very much and your blog gives me a lot of inspiration. I hope you will feel better soon and get into a better financial situation.
    It's the same depressing situation for many young people in Germany, too: we are well educated and we want to work and earn money, but taxes and social insurance plus the rent is incredibly high so it's never enough and especially not to come out of debt or make your own family. By the way, I'll turn 30 this year, too ;-)
    Please keep blogging!

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