Winter in Daegu is cold. Usually bitter cold with wind making it feel colder. However, winter is also sunny and bright, with clear blue skies and lots of sunshine. Often, when I look out the window (if the room I am in is adequately heated), I forget that it is winter and bitter cold and that the sun sets at the ungodly early hour of 5 pm and doesn't rise again until a bit after 7 the next morning, and I want to go hiking.
I love hiking. Min Gi and I went hiking on our first date and have been hiking on many mountains in the area since then. I had a plan to hike two of the biggest mountains in South Korea before I left, but alas, my health problems have made hiking pretty much impossible for the last few months. It has been hurting our relationship a little, although thankfully we've learned through this illness that we're a pretty strong unit.
Last night, I had a dream that we went hiking. We were the only two people on the mountain. When we got to the top, it was a glorious, deep sky blue, not a cloud in sight, and we could see spreading green below us for miles and miles. I woke up sad--mourning for my lost ability to go more than 50 meters uphill without breathing heavily, for that feeling of peace at the top of a mountain (I wonder if there is a word in Korean for that feeling... I know there's one for the color--푸르디푸른)
Recovering from an illness is daunting. I remember being healthy, but being so obsessed with the 10kgs I wanted to lose that I never appreciated it. My body used to be so strong. And strength is beautiful. The last few weeks have been hard not only because I can't exercise as I want, but because when I look in the mirror, for the first time since high school, I truly hate what I see reflected back at me.
Alas, this is my last week on the prednisone. My moon face is "waning." I have been able to exercise and dance the last few weeks. I just have to stop being depressed that I can't instantly do all the stuff I used to do. I have to accept that it will take time to be able to kick that high, run that far, and climb that mountain, again.
Patience, when the day is this short and the air this cold, is hard.
I hate winter.