Monday, December 7, 2009

Winter/Hiking/Recovery

Winter in Daegu is cold. Usually bitter cold with wind making it feel colder. However, winter is also sunny and bright, with clear blue skies and lots of sunshine. Often, when I look out the window (if the room I am in is adequately heated), I forget that it is winter and bitter cold and that the sun sets at the ungodly early hour of 5 pm and doesn't rise again until a bit after 7 the next morning, and I want to go hiking.

I love hiking. Min Gi and I went hiking on our first date and have been hiking on many mountains in the area since then. I had a plan to hike two of the biggest mountains in South Korea before I left, but alas, my health problems have made hiking pretty much impossible for the last few months. It has been hurting our relationship a little, although thankfully we've learned through this illness that we're a pretty strong unit.

Last night, I had a dream that we went hiking. We were the only two people on the mountain. When we got to the top, it was a glorious, deep sky blue, not a cloud in sight, and we could see spreading green below us for miles and miles. I woke up sad--mourning for my lost ability to go more than 50 meters uphill without breathing heavily, for that feeling of peace at the top of a mountain (I wonder if there is a word in Korean for that feeling... I know there's one for the color--푸르디푸른)

Recovering from an illness is daunting. I remember being healthy, but being so obsessed with the 10kgs I wanted to lose that I never appreciated it. My body used to be so strong. And strength is beautiful. The last few weeks have been hard not only because I can't exercise as I want, but because when I look in the mirror, for the first time since high school, I truly hate what I see reflected back at me.

Alas, this is my last week on the prednisone. My moon face is "waning." I have been able to exercise and dance the last few weeks. I just have to stop being depressed that I can't instantly do all the stuff I used to do. I have to accept that it will take time to be able to kick that high, run that far, and climb that mountain, again.

Patience, when the day is this short and the air this cold, is hard.

I hate winter.

4 comments:

  1. I send you strength and love! Kisses from the puppy and me!

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  2. The ease with which I can find hiking opportunities near my home is one of the great things about living in Uijeongbu. Not that Washington State doesn't also have them, but they are a bit harder to reach without a car.

    Sorry to hear that you haven't been able to go out hiking recently -- I hope that situation changes soon! Though naturally I also hope you won't push things too hard in you recovery.

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  3. What are you on Prednisone for?

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  4. Thanks, Rose and Paul. I'm getting through it.

    S--

    Some back reading: About my hospitalization in October
    About my recovery

    ReplyDelete

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