Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I hate myself

Today I felt worse than I have in a long time. I spent the first four hours of it in and out of the bathroom. After the first hour and crying a lot I called into work sick and then called my parents. I've been running a low-grade temp all day. I was so exhausted that this afternoon when I went out to get water at the store, I nearly passed out from the effort of it.

I definitely didn't eat well. It's hard to eat well when you feel so bloated and just want to sleep but can't 'cause you have to keep going to the bathroom. I need to stay hydrated and keep my nutrition consistent.

And it's worse the emotional drain of being sick--of feeling helpless and useless. Like I'm letting down my students and co-workers and friends.

I should have known this was coming on with the fatigue plus insomnia last night, but still, I keep waking up in the morning thinking I'll be ok like I was before. And I keep being surprised when I get tired after three dances at swing or just walking to TKD so I don't go to the practice. I didn't even go swimming when my boyfriend and I went to the beach on Sunday. And I'm ALWAYS the crazy one swimming. I LOVE the water.

It's just gross.

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