There's not much to say about it, as it's really a drag. I didn't realize how homesick I was until I was researching the JET program (Min Gi and I had a crazy idea that after I renew my current contract once more--for 2009-2010, we could go work in Japan for a year or two) and was trying to figure out what the hell I'd do with myself for the not-quite-one-year between the end of my contract at this school (end of August) and the JET start date (start of August), and realized that I could go home and teach for the 10 months easily.
As soon as the idea came into my head, I was hit by how much I miss my family (and some other things about America, like working at the suicide hotline and doing community theater) and how much I HATE not being there when my dad's suffering so much.
My mom sent me an amazing Christmas package (which I already opened, of course!), and it just overwhelmed me. What they're dealing with there while I'm off having "adventures" over here. And I felt so... lost. And really... what the hell am I doing here? Anything useful or interesting? Anything worth being unable to go home for a few months while my dad's immune system is so compromised my very presence, coming as I am from a foreign country, would seriously endanger his life? Is Korea really worth that?
I'd usually say, "yes," without hesitation because I know and I trust that his doctors are doing what is right and that he will be fine and I'll spend August at home... That this is where I need and want to be right now... That my parents fully support my decision and know I'm happy here...
But today... today I just want to be HOME.
Dammit. Stupid tears. Doesn't help that Christmas is in two days.
I thought I was going to be ok this year.