Should I ever get around to publishing my dating self-help book, that may end up being the title of it. And it would contain excerpts like this one:
He's cute. Nice body--of course, I noticed that two weeks ago when I first met him. Good smile. A little shy initially, but he seems to be warming up. He dances well, and it turns out he speaks English well (you never really know at first).
I was responding to another person's question, but he overhears.
"That's not a good sign," I say.
"What's not a good sign?"
I smile. This is one of those conversations where flirting helps. "For my friend's relationship. He loves dancing, but his girlfriend got jealous that he was dancing with other girls and made him go home."
"Why is that a bad sign?"
"Well... dancing is his passion. Ben can't live without it. He just... wouldn't be Ben. He needs a girlfriend who understands he's gonna dance with other women at swing club."
"But can't she learn how to dance?"
"Well, she is. But it takes time. And Ben has been dancing for much longer than he's known this girl. She needs to understand that it makes him happy."
"If I had a girlfriend, and she really hated that I went dancing... well if I loved her, I'd give it up."
"Really? Even if it was your passion?"
"Well..." He smiles at me. "Yeah. I would."
"I think I just figured out why my dating in this country has failed."
"See... if I had a boyfriend who got jealous when I went dancing but wouldn't go with me, I'd find another boyfriend. One who loved that I have interests like dancing and taekwondo, even if they mean I sometimes touch other men."
He starts laughing.
"No, really," I protest. "I think it's a whole other approach to love. I believe it's important to find someone who fits with you as you are and as you grow. Not someone who you have to change yourself for just to hold on to."
I smile. "I think so."