Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Notes to Men (mostly expat guys):

* Breath mints are your friends. Seriously. So is personal hygiene.

* Suggesting I'm "high maintenance" when you've known me all of 10 minutes (or any other comment that could be insulting in some contexts) is not considered flirting in my part of the world. Some girls do go for nice guys and not that kind of game playing bullshit.

* No, I'm not going home with you tonight.

* It's considered rude to run away the nanosecond you figure that one out.

* Just because I'm not going home with you tonight doesn't mean I'm not interested.

* Just because I'm talking to you doesn't mean I am interested.

* Just because I'm tearing it up on the dance floor doesn't mean I've given you permission to touch any part of my body.

* Dance if you're at a dance club. It's way hotter than the creepy pervs who stare at the people dancing. Or claim they are "too cool."

* If you call me "beautiful" in bar lighting when you're about a drink away from passing out, I know you're talking out your ass--"cute" ok. "pretty" maybe. specific notes about hair, eyes, or smile (but not body unless we know each other for much longer than 15 minutes or you're commenting about how well it moves on the dance floor) could work. But beautiful? Sheesh.

* Telling me about your plan to propose to your Korean girlfriend and then hitting on me makes you come off like an ass.

* As does treating Koreans in the street like shit or talking trash about them because you think they don't understand (yes, that was the same charming fellow).

* Don't buy me a drink when I said I'm not drinking now.

* If you are trying to hit on me, talking about how hot all the Korean girls are isn't going to help your case or make me jealous. It makes me assume you have a thing for Asian chicks, at which point you become about as available to me as a gay man.

* It is NOT a cute, flirty compliment to tell a teacher that she must be the one all the boys in class want to sleep with. We don't want to think about that. Seriously.

* Don't bring up politics if you can't handle a girl with opinions.

* [Not that this one is about me, but I've had to intervene many times on friends' behalf] When a Korean girl says she's not interested (in whatever words she can muster that won't violate her long held beliefs about saving face and never directly refusing someone), but then laughs, it's because she's uncomfortable. Not because she's flirting. Back off.

* Yes, I will stop you from date raping a drunk friend; and no that's not considered "cock blocking."

* Oh yeah... and please never use that last phrase in my presence ever again.


  1. Diana, Diana, Diana,

    Stop it now! You are so wrong.

    Yes, many guys, including me, see you as beautiful—no sheesh about it! (And I’m not trying to get into your pants, so drop that silly thought. I live 5000 miles away, and I already have a wonderful and beautiful girl friend—so there.) When a guy tells you that you’re beautiful take it as a compliment. Sure, it may be partly hormones talking, but it may also be that he’s intelligent and recognizes that there is more that one kind of beauty. Sadly society has been conditioned into thinking that only those faces and figures selected by a superficial magazine editor qualify as beautiful. To that, I say bullshit. That would be like saying there’s only one kind of beautiful flower, one kind of beautiful tree, one kind of beautiful cat or dog etc. Get my point?

    So give yourself a hug. Accept the fact that you’re beautiful. And if a guy ever tells you that you’re not, well, kick him hard and square on his balls. He may not remember you for your beauty, but he will remember you.

    Harold McG.

  2. Harold,

    First off, thank you, that was sweet.

    However, I can easily accept it when a guy calls me beautiful--most of the time I know I am. I was just objecting to the use of something that should be a compliment of both the inside and the out being used as a half-baked attempt to get laid by some guy who doesn't know me. That, I find pathetic. It cheapens the word, and its power.

    Oh, and I've thought of a few others from the "meet" market back home I'm adding...

    Your girlfriend has a kind, thoughtful fellow and is a lucky woman indeed.

  3. I had a horrrrrrrrrible first date with a guy, what was his name? Uh...Eric. Eric talked about money and how much he had despite being one business class short of an BA degree. And he talked about how his job--the job that gave him lots of money--got him to travel so much. And he flashed his money around. And paid for everything on the first date, of course. (Which I usually like.)

    Oh God. So bad. I didn't even realize how bad it was until he said, "So I'll call you Sunday night," (it was a Thursday or Friday?) and I snapped, "No, that's the night before the first day of school. I will be sleeping." Ha ha ha!

    On the other hand, my first date with Good Man wasn't much better. All he talked about was money and how he didn't have any cause he was looking for a job. And how he wanted to go to Afghanistan during his military service because it was more money. And then he demanded I pay for drinks.

    Oh God.

    I can't believe we ever had a second date.

  4. He's just really darned lucky! Some experiences from the last few weeks have left me seriously questioning how sane adult people manage to get together...

    There are so many things I love about being single, but the actual being single part pretty much blows. Except that you can entertain the happily coupled with tales from the front, so to speak.

  5. I used NaBloPoMo randomizer to tag you for a meme. Come visit if you want to participate.

    Have a great day!

  6. Dude, Diane, nobody ever tagged me for a meme. Sorry, didn't think it would happen to you.

    I will be writing about our first two or three (OK, might skip three and go to four) dates next month, in honor of our 6 mos. Hee hee.

  7. Meh. Memes are easy to ignore. I look forward to your post...

    Has it really been 6 months? My God, I've been here 3 already.

    Christ. It's almost freaking December. Where did 2007 go?

  8. Oh, the ex-pat dating scene in Korea... one of the reasons I avoided the ex-pat bars for the most part.

    Of course, the other day (here in the US) I'd taken a nap with wet hair, and woke up with hair poking out like I was insane. I was wearing my PJs and had no makeup. I was on my front porch feeding the cats, when one of my neighbors approached. He told me that I was beautiful. There are times when that's appropriate and believable, but that was definitely NOT one of them! Then he essentially said that since he was single and I was single, we should have sex.

  9. Jane,

    I've met some really awesome, amazing people hanging out in those bars.

    I've also met people (men and women) in their late 20s and 30s who think the frat party never ended and behave accordingly. I can kind of forgive the people fresh out of university who act like that, but you'd think after a year or two out, you'd know better than to be a jerk.

    I think it's a combination of posturing in a manner men somehow believe is attractive to women (because it worked once or something), not picking up on social cues very well (or being too drunk to notice them), and the celebrity status thing that happens to foreigners here--men and women (I think there is a reason celebs get intoxicated and bed hop all the time; apparently for many people this is considered good stress relief for being stared at all the time).

    It's ok though. Thankfully, there is enough to do here that I can comfortably avoid the shenanigans when I want to and feel secure in knowing that it will still be there, pretty much exactly the same, whenever I feel the urge to watch people act stupid, make all my clothes reek of smoke, and go dancing.



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