Sunday, March 11, 2007

Time for a new log of the journey...

Beginnings are usually a time of endings. I will begin this blog of my journeys with the process of the end.

So... I have begun to start making decisions that are just for myself. It only took about 25 years; not too shabby, considering. It has been some time since I have been blogging regularly, but perhaps it is time to begin again. Considering that one of the main reasons for self-censure was fear of it affecting my profession (high school English teacher in the US), the decision I have made recently to leave that profession to teach English as a Second Language abroad in a few (less than 6) months should be enough of a reason to allow me to express myself more freely.

I am going to miss Roosevelt--from the crazy students to the exceptionally awesome (and under appreciated) teachers, this place has been a second home. Hell, considering how often I've moved while I've worked here (due mostly to one very big mistake of a relationship that is ever so thankfully over), it might as well be considered the first home around which all other action has swirled...

Finishing up the senior pages' approval on Friday, I began to get all weepy and sentimental. I will really miss my students from class of 2007. They were my first students ever (since I taught tenth grade in 04-05) and my first AP students last year. They will also be the class I leave with. My kids this year are super-nice, but the intensity of emotions I have surrounding my first year of teaching make my fondness for those students magnified. They taught me how to teach. Teaching taught me how to be (and more importantly to love) myself. Facilitators of my identity equivalent only to junior year, Justin's death , and Brian's problems; however, one of the first such significant experiences marked by more positives than negatives (perhaps more like Romeo and Juliet, then).

I have lived in Maryland all my life but two years I can't remember and a few painful months (twice--once in Poughkeepsie, once in DC) I wish I couldn't.

This will be my first move out of this state made without the consultation of a significant other--there is no one to consult except for myself. And, I must sadly admit, my first visit out of the U.S. I am anxious and excited and terrified and peaceful and delighted all at once. I am making preparations for Princess and for myself--giving away possessions, purchasing more sensible ones, saying goodbyes.

I sometimes wonder if I will come back. I could be a full professor in the Far East having only completed my Master's degree. The hours would be relatively easy and allow a lot of time for writing. I could make a lot of money for travel or retirement or anything. I could learn new languages and cultures. Then again, I could miss "home" too much... But where is home? Most of my friends have moved away or will within a few years. My sister will move away and so will Brian (again). Why wait to be left behind when I could do so much more with this one little life I've been given? I will make a home inside myself and carry it with me.

Maybe that's why I'm getting so fat lately ;-) Just kidding--but I do need to get back to my regular workout schedule.

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